Welcome to Attachment Matters.
A series of conversations between two moms who love to nerd out on the subject of attachment. We’ll dive into what it is, what it isn’t, what it relates to, what it can mean for parenting, and how it can help us explain the current state of things.
As mothers, both of us found ourselves entangled in the world of gender ideology, following very different routes to get here. What we share in common is how the attachment framework has helped us to untangle the threads, and better understand and fulfill our responsibilities as mothers in both the beauty and the challenge of these times.
In this episode, we finally dive deep into Neufeld’s concept of Alpha. We review Neufeld’s assertion that attachment is hierarchical and why this is necessary to facilitate maturity. Rose outlines the seeking and the providing instincts, and we explore how current culture disrupts nature’s process and makes it difficult for parents to inhabit a healthy and caring alpha role in relationship with our children. We tackle some controversial topics and there’s so much more to say. Please stay with us as we continue to unpack these challenging ideas.
The Wisdom of Dependence:
Questions for Reflection: Neufeld thinks we’ve really lost our way when it comes to how we view independence in our children. In our eagerness to “teach” and push our children into independence, is it possible that we delay maturity in our youth? We welcome your thoughts and reflections as you consider whether this resonates as true to you.
Can you identify times when you’ve experienced the provider instincts of alpha? What did that feel like? What about the seeker instincts of dependence?
We invite you to share your reflections and questions in the comments.
Early SMP podcast episodes that are readings of reflections from the adventures Stoicmom mentions her family took after the attachment “break” that she describes during this conversation:
Driving Lessons (or how to disarm a teenager)
Rose was introduced to Dr. Gordon Neufeld’s attachment-based developmental model when her two sons were very young, and it has significantly shaped her life. She brings a depth of knowledge from the work of Dr. Gordon Neufeld, having taken a number of courses at the Neufeld Institute. This series offers her the opportunity to share insights from this model with parents who are trying to make sense of their trans-identified children.
You can discover more detail about Rose’s story by reading her (viral) PITT submission: True Believer or listen to her interviewed on Gender: A Wider Lens and on Triggernometry.
Mom of two coming-of-age humans and a former classroom educator, StoicMom has an intense interest in attachment and development. She’s done some serious dabbling into the Neufeld bank of knowledge but also has a knack for scanning the environment for frameworks to discover where they overlap and where they diverge. In her work as a Jungian depth coach supporting parents of trans-identified kids, she’s committed to making sense of how we find ourselves grappling with things like gender identity and the other ways that our kids are struggling to find their place in this world.
For more of StoicMom’s reflections along with her philosophy and strategies to navigate Life’s most difficult circumstances, subscribe to stoicmom.substack.com:
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