Welcome to Attachment Matters.
A series of conversations between two moms who love to nerd out on the subject of attachment. We’ll dive into what it is, what it isn’t, what it relates to, what it can mean for parenting, and how it can help us explain the current state of things.
As mothers, both of us found ourselves entangled in the world of gender ideology, following very different routes to get here. What we share in common is how the attachment framework has helped us to untangle the threads, and better understand and fulfill our responsibilities as mothers in both the beauty and the challenge of these times.
In this episode, Rose and I go to some delicate and likely challenging places. We revisit the importance of how our narratives determine what we see which in turn shapes what we do and ultimately steers our lives. We tackle the tricky topic of disrespect and different ways to interpret that behavior so we, as parents can stay grounded in alpha vibes and respond productively. We caution parents to be mindful of how they use their attachment power, and I go into some detail about the radical approach I took with my own trans-identified daughter and share my rationale for adopting this seemingly counterintuitive way. We end acknowledging how much of our lives we spend in our futile attempts to outrun the universal human experience of heartache.
Questions for Reflection: What from this episode “landed” for you in terms of your own perspective or experiences? What, if anything, felt challenging? What have your take aways been from this ongoing discussion of the alpha and dependent attachment dynamic?
Resources and quotes mentioned in the episode:
The Wisdom of Dependence (29 minutes) - Excellent video that presents the alpha - seeker dynamic as the structure for the delivery of care. For those who want more, this keynote was followed by a Wisdom of Dependence Panel Discussion, where many of the topics we discuss in this episode, including culture and competing attachments, are discussed.
Tracy Chapman & Luke Combs Perform “Fast Car” at 2024 Grammys
Rose was introduced to Dr. Gordon Neufeld’s attachment-based developmental model when her two sons were very young, and it has significantly shaped her life. She brings a depth of knowledge from the work of Dr. Gordon Neufeld, having taken a number of courses at the Neufeld Institute. This series offers her the opportunity to share insights from this model with parents who are trying to make sense of their trans-identified children.
You can discover more detail about Rose’s story by reading her (viral) PITT submission: True Believer or listen to her interviews on Gender: A Wider Lens and on Triggernometry.
Mom of two coming-of-age humans and a former classroom educator, StoicMom has an intense interest in attachment and development. She’s done some serious dabbling into the Neufeld bank of knowledge but also has a knack for scanning the environment for frameworks to discover where they overlap and where they diverge. In her work as a Jungian depth coach supporting parents of trans-identified kids, she’s committed to making sense of how we find ourselves grappling with things like gender identity and the other ways that our kids are struggling to find their place in this world.
For more of StoicMom’s reflections along with her philosophy and strategies to navigate Life’s most difficult circumstances, subscribe to stoicmom.substack.com:
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