If you haven’t yet, you can listen to the main interview with Lisa Marchiano here. Below are the questions submitted by the SMP online learning community that Lisa answers in this segment of our conversation. Lisa responded to these thoughtful questions with wisdom I found to be surprising and refreshing.
What type of therapy would help our children that is neither affirmative or reversion?
I'd be interested to hear Lisa's take on the interaction between life cycle events in parents vs adolescents (which may clash directly), whether through the lens of Erik Erikson or any other, and how to use increased knowledge of this kind of dynamic for personal growth and an improved relationship.
I'm thinking about things like adolescent moods vs the perimenopause, teens looking to the future and parents looking back and wondering how the hell they got there and what happened to all that time, or even just adolescent passion and fire vs a more mellow middle age and teens not understanding why you don't share the passion.
So I'd be interested in any pointers for learning more about that kind of thing, and how to use it for growth.
Support comment from another member: I've been thinking about this too. How do I use my "wisdom" of many cycles of life to talk with my teen? As I turn 60 and start to off- ramp into old age, my daughter turns 16, is on-ramping to adulthood. I work to accept my changing body as she does; my acceptance in the world as I age, as she does. Similarities and differences in these two Stages of life.
I think we all know and agree that love, connection, and a strong relationship are important, along with the child feeling heard and accepted in some form. How do we do that if we don't like the person the child is becoming (or the mask being worn), or dread the potential drama that comes with every interaction? (To be fair, I don't think this is at all trans-specific. It just so happens that these dramas are often about gender in this case.)
My daughter was sexually assaulted at 10 & 11, PTSD is at the core of her intense pain and years of intense mental health issues - trans Is is her answer and an intense distraction. As I hold boundaries, she see it as uncaring. I’m good at validation but struggle to get conversation unless I’m giving into her demand. How do I lean in with curiosity? I’ve lost my mothering compass. She senses my anger, disapproval ect acutely. Leaning in with compassion, in away a teen will hear and feel.
Hi Lisa, I’m currently reading your book on Motherhood, and as someone who’s always loved fairy tales, I’m really connecting with the stories you’ve shared in your book. I’ve also been thinking about the power of stories, how we humans connect to each other through stories, and how we’ve traditionally used stories to pass along collective wisdom from one generation to the next. I’m wondering if you could recommend any stories or books for adolescent girls and young women, stories that might give our daughters a glimpse of the ancient, mysterious, even sacred feminine—a vision of the feminine that is so much more than what they’re seeing in contemporary western culture. Also, in a related question, have you ever considered writing a book for adolescent girls? :)
If you’d like to be able to submit questions for future podcast guests and you’re not already a member of community, you can learn more by visiting this page (scroll down below the image) SMP online learning community. Purchasing an annual membership in the community also includes a full year of paid content at this SMP substack.
