Welcome to Attachment Matters.
A series of conversations between two moms who love to nerd out on the subject of attachment. We’ll dive into what it is, what it isn’t, what it relates to, what it can mean for parenting, and how it can help us explain the current state of things
Rose was introduced to Dr. Gordon Neufeld’s attachment-based developmental model when her two sons were very young, and it has significantly shaped her life. She brings a depth of knowledge from the work of Dr. Gordon Neufeld, having taken a number of courses at the Neufeld Institute. This series offers her the opportunity to share insights from this model with parents who are trying to make sense of their trans-identified children.
As a mom of two teens and a former classroom educator, StoicMom has an intense interest in attachment and development. She’s done some serious dabbling into the Neufeld bank of knowledge but also has a knack for scanning the environment for frameworks to discover where they overlap and where they diverge. In her work supporting parents of trans-identified kids, she’s committed to making sense of how we find ourselves grappling with things like gender identity and the other ways that our kids are struggling to find their place in this world.
Both of us found ourselves entangled in the world of gender ideology, following very different routes to get here. We share a passion for the attachment framework as a way to understand and fulfill our roles and responsibilities as mothers in these oh-so-strange times.
In this episode, we talk about the primal attachment emotions to pay attention to as we move through this material. Rose links attachment to maturation, and describes the first three stages of Neufeld’s 6 stage model of the development of attachment. The important concept of bridging gets defined, and hopefully, we make clear that it’s never too late to grow up.
You can discover more detail about Rose’s story by reading her (viral) PITT submission: True Believer or listen to her interviewed on Gender: A Wider Lens and on Triggernometry.
Resources to deepen understanding of the concepts discussed:
Roots of Attachment: Six Stages of Relationship (This is the video by Dr. Gordon Neufeld that is referred to in this episode, and which we will continue to discuss in the next conversation.)
The Seeds I’ve Sown, PITT. (Rose read this article a few days after recording this episode, and felt it demonstrates many of the themes we touched upon. She was moved by how this mother prioritized her relationship to her daughter, and how that laid the groundwork for bridging the times when the daughter felt her mother was not “on her side.” If you read this story, see if you can spot any of the themes we have discussed in the first two episodes so far.)
We invite you to share any reflections that this episode brings up. Your comments will help us know what stood out for you in this introduction and what we need to explore more deeply, as we all do our best to make sense of how we find ourselves here.
Ep 2 of Attachment Matters: Playing the Long Game