Your daughter never medicalized, correct? Perhaps the destabilization, rage and desperation you experienced were less intense than that of parents who have to see their daughter with a beard or comfort her after a double mastectomy. I'm happy you missed out on that.
I imagine that's true; that the painful emotions I experienced didn't compare to what mamas in your situation have been through. I'm sorry for your loss. Hope your daughter is doing okay? I'm glad she had her mother there to comfort her.
I have a daughter who medicalized (hormones and surgery in 2022) and have been through cycles of rage, self pity and blame. I now feel ready to be taught some new ways through Stoic Mom. My latest was seeing our daughter (who is estranged from me and my husband) hug my Mom and sister and reject hugging me at a performance. No dearth of painful growth opportunities. I haven't been blocked so I send occasional texts and focus on working on myself. It help. When the pain is unbearable, I cry a lot.
Hi there. I agree with The other commenter that this isn't your fault and you have been through so much undeserved pain. Crying helps the grief move through the body. Working on yourself is where you have agency and what is most likely to shift your experience. I'd go so far as to say it's also the best way to help your daughter and keep the attachment bonds as secure as possible. Hang in there, Mama! ❤
sorry to hear about your situation. my heart goes out to you. i dont talk from perspective of experience with this but as a parent youve gone through enough. this isnt your fault.
Actually I found that, after getting past the trauma of my FTM’s medical transition, I was more able to reestablish a good relationship with her because there was nothing left for me to feel compelled to prevent.
Thank you, Stoic Mom, for your continued messages of hope and inspiration. You are truly an inspiration even on very dark days when it's hard to get out of bed and carry on.
My daughter has been on T for over 2 years, has hair growing on her chin, a deep voice, and had her healthy breasts removed this past December. I keep telling myself "They're only boobs" but can't let go. She hasn't given truly informed consent and is most likely sterilized, although she believes she will never want to have a family. Hoping that typing this out will help me leave it behind and move on...
Wish I could give you a hug. ❤ Know that it's important to grieve that loss and you'll not likely leave it fully behind but over time, you'll be able to hold it more lightly. Hang in there, Mama!
Your daughter never medicalized, correct? Perhaps the destabilization, rage and desperation you experienced were less intense than that of parents who have to see their daughter with a beard or comfort her after a double mastectomy. I'm happy you missed out on that.
I imagine that's true; that the painful emotions I experienced didn't compare to what mamas in your situation have been through. I'm sorry for your loss. Hope your daughter is doing okay? I'm glad she had her mother there to comfort her.
I have a daughter who medicalized (hormones and surgery in 2022) and have been through cycles of rage, self pity and blame. I now feel ready to be taught some new ways through Stoic Mom. My latest was seeing our daughter (who is estranged from me and my husband) hug my Mom and sister and reject hugging me at a performance. No dearth of painful growth opportunities. I haven't been blocked so I send occasional texts and focus on working on myself. It help. When the pain is unbearable, I cry a lot.
Hi there. I agree with The other commenter that this isn't your fault and you have been through so much undeserved pain. Crying helps the grief move through the body. Working on yourself is where you have agency and what is most likely to shift your experience. I'd go so far as to say it's also the best way to help your daughter and keep the attachment bonds as secure as possible. Hang in there, Mama! ❤
sorry to hear about your situation. my heart goes out to you. i dont talk from perspective of experience with this but as a parent youve gone through enough. this isnt your fault.
Actually I found that, after getting past the trauma of my FTM’s medical transition, I was more able to reestablish a good relationship with her because there was nothing left for me to feel compelled to prevent.
Thank you, Stoic Mom, for your continued messages of hope and inspiration. You are truly an inspiration even on very dark days when it's hard to get out of bed and carry on.
My daughter has been on T for over 2 years, has hair growing on her chin, a deep voice, and had her healthy breasts removed this past December. I keep telling myself "They're only boobs" but can't let go. She hasn't given truly informed consent and is most likely sterilized, although she believes she will never want to have a family. Hoping that typing this out will help me leave it behind and move on...
Wish I could give you a hug. ❤ Know that it's important to grieve that loss and you'll not likely leave it fully behind but over time, you'll be able to hold it more lightly. Hang in there, Mama!