Why you?

from the archives

Originally titled, Purpose and Torture, this article was first published in May of 2024. I was about half way through my Jungian training, and fired up about how closely aligned what I was learning was with what I felt I’d discovered on my own: that we can reorient to this painful circumstance in a way that works to enrich our lives, changing our experience from one of chaos and distress to one of meaning and purpose, with a rippling impact of more peace and connection that goes both horizontally (affecting our loved ones in the present) and vertically (disrupting and healing generational patterns.)

Humans really are incredible beings with amazing capacity to change “the” world by exploring how and why we see things like we do. It’s a bit like a super power if you recognize it in yourself and develop your capacity to use it. Many might consider this selfish navel-gazing; I would argue it’s the most important and impactful work you can do. I couldn’t agree more with Jung’s assertion,

“The best political, social, and spiritual work we can do is to withdraw the projection of our shadow onto others.”

I’ve updated bits of this article because, well, things are always changing, morphing, cycling, renewing on the other side of death and decomposition. We can free ourselves of the impossible wish for things to stay the same and come to have faith in the cycles. Memento mori.

I wrote a piece in 2023 titled, “Why me?” When we ask a “why” question, we’re seeking to discover the purpose of something. In this case, it was why did trans ideology invade my home. When I wrote that article, I was addressing this question I know so many moms are torturing themselves with and my purpose was to inspire new ways to look at this circumstance by offering some different, (and what I thought at the time to be) more empowering questions.

But why am I writing this one? See there? That “why” question is asking the purpose of this article. And it’s to circle back to something that I hint at and dance around in that first one. It felt too uncomfortable to say it outright back then–to be honest, it still does. To boldly make the claim I’ve come to believe is my answer to that simple little question, “Why me?”

So here goes (deep breath):

Because I have a role to play in humanity’s evolution.

Wowza! I told you it was bold. But here’s the thing, I believe you do too. I think that’s why you’re here, reading this right now.

I think there’s a very good chance that you’re experiencing a call. No, I’m just going to say it: I believe you’re experiencing The Call. You know the one I mean. The call to find your authenticity, the call to discover you can get bigger than your problems, the call to get clear on what you want out of this one precious life, the call to become a person you admire, the call to find meaning and purpose, the call to reconnect with your nature, your power, and to find your place…

Yes, I’m talking about the Hero’s Journey and your call to purpose, to evolve into a more conscious, compassionate, curious, resilient, whole version of yourself because humanity needs this from you. You’re here with gifts that only you can offer. You’re here to heal generational patterns so you can free your children from them. You’re here to evolve yourself so that your children absorb that way of being and cause ripple effects that touch more lives than you can allow yourself to consider (because it’s scary as shit! I know. I really do.)

You can’t hear these things from someone who hasn’t been through this uniquely torturous shitstorm herself. Trust me, I know what that sounds like, “You don’t know my pain; you don’t get to tell me it serves a purpose.” But because I do know a version of that pain, you just might be able to hear me when I tell you that it does. Because it takes a devastatingly painful “dark night of the soul” to invite us into our own scary forest where our demons live. The demons we have to slay (or befriend, or at least get acquainted with) to make a real impact in a world that seems to have lost its humanity.

Why me? Because you needed me to keep provoking you to listen to your call. Moms in this circumstance needed my voice to be different from all the other voices out there, to keep going on about reorienting to our obstacles as the way; to remind you that you can create serenity in the face of things you cannot change, to discover in yourself the courage to change the things you can, and to develop the wisdom to know the difference; to choose to move through the excruciating pain of things so that your heart will burst open, freeing you to embrace the full richness of Life.

We all refuse The Call at first. We all have our story arc, and the resistance we experience when The Call comes is part of the process. We’re usually not ready (we never really will be) and we don’t think we can handle what’s being asked of us. It feels too hard, we lack the confidence, we don’t want the responsibility or the expectations that will come if we succeed.

And this is all part of the process too; it’s necessary for us to feel all these things and to put our fingers in our ears for awhile, “la, la, la, not listening, not listening!” while we grieve the ease, comfort, and predictability that we want so desperately from life. We won’t turn inward to face our own demons unless and until the pain to not do so becomes too much to bear. Agony is the word here. It’s arrived to move you in a new direction, indeed to force you into the darkness that you must find your way through to get to the treasure on the other side.

Photo by Pavel Karagodin on Unsplash

I love coaching—working with clients to recognize that this painful context is the entry into that dark forest, and then holding hands with them to ensure they don’t retreat before discovering the new life and light that awaits them if they keep at it. It takes courage and conviction, and it helps to have resources and someone alongside you who has been through it and has unwavering faith in your capacity to do the same.

Yet working with me in this way may not be your way. There are plenty of other coaches out there, therapists, courses and books, let’s just say a plethora of resources that can bolster you to keep at the uncomfortable work of evolving yourself. I share those I come across with you through my articles, podcast interviews, and within the SMP Tapestry, because I believe the most important thing is that you find what’s gonna work for you.

If you can’t tell, I feel strongly about this work and driven to keep extending this invitation to change your world. That’s my purpose. And with each client breakthrough that I get to witness, my conviction just grows. My faith is strong that each of us is here to complete our own hero’s journey and shift into this new orientation that inspires more hope, connection, and meaning—and ultimately more peace, compassion, and freedom in the world around you.

This may not be resonating for you. I’m also a firm believer that we hear what we’re ready to hear, messages penetrate when our time has come. Listen to your heart and notice what types of questions you’re currently asking yourself.

If you’re ready to discover a different answer to that torturous big little question, “Why you?” and you find my words land in a way that other things you’ve tried don’t, consider checking out my updated depth coaching readiness survey. It’s really low pressure and offers you a way to assess your own readiness for this type of work.

The dark night of the soul is a journey into light, a journey from your darkness into the strength and hidden resources of your soul. -Caroline Myss