Purpose and Torture

(and the purpose of torture)

Last summer, I wrote a piece titled, “Why me?” When we ask a “why” question, we’re seeking to discover the purpose of something. In this case, it was why did trans ideology invade my home. When I wrote that article, I was addressing this question I know so many moms are torturing themselves with and my purpose was to inspire new ways to look at this circumstance by offering some different, (and what I thought at the time to be) more empowering questions. 

But why am I writing this one? See there? That “why” question is asking the purpose of this article. And it’s to circle back to something that I hint at and dance around in that first one. It felt too uncomfortable to say it outright back then–to be honest, it still does. To boldly make the claim I’ve come to believe is my answer to that simple little question, “Why me?” 

So here goes (deep breath):

Because I have a role to play in humanity’s evolution.

Wowza! I told you it was bold. But here’s the thing, I believe you do too. I think that’s why you’re here, reading this right now. 

I think there’s a very good chance that you’re experiencing a call. No, I’m just going to say it, I believe you’re experiencing The Call. You know the one I mean. The call to find your authenticity, the call to grow up, the call to get clear on what you want out of this one precious life, the call to become a person you admire, the call to find meaning and purpose, the call to reconnect with your nature, your power, and to find your place…

Yes, I’m talking about the Hero’s Journey and your call to purpose, to evolve into a more conscious, compassionate, curious, resilient, whole version of yourself because humanity needs this from you. You’re here with gifts that only you can offer. You’re here to heal generational patterns so you can free your children from them. You’re here to evolve yourself so that your children absorb that way of being and cause ripple effects that touch more lives than you can allow yourself to consider (because it’s scary as shit! I know. I really do.) 

You can’t hear these things from someone who hasn’t been through this uniquely torturous shitstorm herself. Trust me, I know what that sounds like, “You don’t know my pain; you don’t get to tell me it serves a purpose.” But because I do know a version of that pain, you just might be able to hear me when I tell you that it does. Because it takes a devastatingly painful “dark night of the soul” to invite us into our own scary forest where our demons live. The demons we have to slay to make a real impact in a world that seems to have lost its humanity.

Photo by Evan Dennis on Unsplash

Why me? Because you needed me to keep provoking you to listen to your call. Moms in this circumstance needed my voice to be different from all the other voices out there, to keep going on about reorienting to our obstacles as the way; to remind you to create serenity in the face of things you cannot change, to discover in yourself the courage to change the things you can, and to develop the wisdom to know the difference; to choose to move through the excruciating pain of things so that your heart will burst open, freeing you to embrace the full richness of Life.  

We all refuse The Call at first. We all have our story arc, and the resistance we experience when The Call comes is part of the process. We’re usually not ready (we never really will be) and we don’t think we can handle what’s being asked of us. It feels too hard, we lack the confidence, we don’t want the responsibility or the expectations that will come if we succeed. And this is all part of the process too; it’s necessary for us to feel all these things and to put our fingers in our ears for awhile, “la, la, la, not listening, not listening!” while we grieve the ease, comfort, and predictability that we want so desperately from life. We won’t face our own demons unless and until the pain to not do so becomes too much to bear.

Many might expect that since I make a living as a coach, I’d claim my purpose is to teach you how to slay your demons. If I’m being honest, I thought this was the case for awhile too. But, and this has been a painful lesson I had to learn through coaching lots of moms (and let’s face it, parenting my children)—not only can I not teach you this, no one can. Part of accepting The Call into your own gnarly and dark, demon-populated forest is recognizing that it’s an inside job, an excavation. It’s going to take some uncomfortable digging and a certain creativity that might feel foreign to you. Ultimately though, you’ve got to find your own way.

What I can do is create a container to support you in this work. I can provide you with some helpful tools, reflect your insights and help you find clarity, and remind you why it’s so important that you persist. I’m trained to help you examine your triggers and circumvent your ego who, I can assure you, will not take kindly to this digging. I can likely even show you how to shine a light here and there in your psyche, to help you locate parts of yourself and your own inner resources that will be necessary to accomplish the mission you’ve accepted.

I love coaching and I think I’m good at it but working with me in this way may not be your way. There are plenty of other coaches out there, therapists, courses and books, let’s just say a plethora of resources that can bolster you to keep at the uncomfortable work of evolving yourself. I share those I come across with you through my articles, podcast interviews, and within the SMP community, because I believe the most important thing is that you find what’s gonna work for you.

But I want to take this opportunity to come clean and make this bold announcement: what I am uniquely qualified to do at this point in time is to be an instrument of torture, relentlessly redirecting your attention toward The Call, and inviting you to pull your fingers out of your ears and stop distracting yourself. That’s my purpose. And here’s why I don’t plan to let up: the more moms I can provoke to recognize and accept this mission, the more that will use this circumstance to reorient and find their purpose, the more healing ripples will be created, leading to more humans valuing and experiencing LIFE in all its rich magnificence—as it’s meant be experienced.

This is my why, my purpose. I won’t be surprised if this article loses me more than a few subscribers. That’s okay. I’m not here for them. I’m here for you, for the ones who can’t tear themselves away from the screen right now because my words are penetrating and you know them to be oh-so-painfully true.

So I’ll end this one with a torturous spin on that big little question, “Why you?”