Thank you so much for these very powerful words and reminders. I think this is the best summary yet, from SMP!
"I relieve my child of responsibility for my happiness and experience of Life. By taking charge of my own, I can model a more empowered way of being in the world, increasing the likelihood that my child will one day discover and embrace this same power."
Isn't this really what we want for all of our children, trans-identified or not?
I will recite these words daily, maybe for as long as I'm alive.
I love the way you walked us through this so we could shift and change and upgrade our own statements along the way.
I also have to say I appreciate that "daughter" was changed to "child" so that it's something I could say out loud or write on a piece of paper no matter who is within earshot. Bravo!
As for the theme of responsibility, I've been recovering from feeling overly responsible for others' welfare. I want to grow from this experience of having an ROGD child for my own welfare and for that of the greater good, not specifically for my daughter's welfare. I do feel like I should try to be as healthy as I can be (physically and emotionally) so that if/when she needs me, I will be available. (My mother died when my I was the age my daughter is now.) The only specific medical caution I remember giving was "if you get your ovaries removed, you will be a life-long medical patient." Other than that, I think I spoke more about psychological concern about making permanent changes that would be regretted in the future. Also, about binder effects on lung capacity, although I didn't want to harp on that because that just gave justification for mastectomy! She assured me that she had researched everything thoroughly, leaving me feeling like any input I would contribute was unwelcome. This is all about them being the experts, and us being the unenlightened dinosaurs. I suppose strategies like pointing out other medical abuses, etc., could be helpful. Most of the time I just kept hoping that she would grow out of it. After entrenchment in the identity from age 13, that was not going to happen before age 18 T and surgery.
I continue to struggle with "what kind of life do I want with my child", as my 20-year-old child behaves as though she wants nothing to do with me (unless she needs something). I've heard they become nicer around age 23; I keep hoping for that.
Thank you so much for these very powerful words and reminders. I think this is the best summary yet, from SMP!
"I relieve my child of responsibility for my happiness and experience of Life. By taking charge of my own, I can model a more empowered way of being in the world, increasing the likelihood that my child will one day discover and embrace this same power."
Isn't this really what we want for all of our children, trans-identified or not?
I will recite these words daily, maybe for as long as I'm alive.
Well said, as always, StoicMom!
I love the way you walked us through this so we could shift and change and upgrade our own statements along the way.
I also have to say I appreciate that "daughter" was changed to "child" so that it's something I could say out loud or write on a piece of paper no matter who is within earshot. Bravo!
I love the idea of 'am I her best bet?' - sounds like a worthwhile goal - especially communicating that in every interaction I have with her.
As for the theme of responsibility, I've been recovering from feeling overly responsible for others' welfare. I want to grow from this experience of having an ROGD child for my own welfare and for that of the greater good, not specifically for my daughter's welfare. I do feel like I should try to be as healthy as I can be (physically and emotionally) so that if/when she needs me, I will be available. (My mother died when my I was the age my daughter is now.) The only specific medical caution I remember giving was "if you get your ovaries removed, you will be a life-long medical patient." Other than that, I think I spoke more about psychological concern about making permanent changes that would be regretted in the future. Also, about binder effects on lung capacity, although I didn't want to harp on that because that just gave justification for mastectomy! She assured me that she had researched everything thoroughly, leaving me feeling like any input I would contribute was unwelcome. This is all about them being the experts, and us being the unenlightened dinosaurs. I suppose strategies like pointing out other medical abuses, etc., could be helpful. Most of the time I just kept hoping that she would grow out of it. After entrenchment in the identity from age 13, that was not going to happen before age 18 T and surgery.
Unenlightened dinosaur... This is exactly how my 14 y o know-it-all makes me feel. Thank you for validation of all our (mothers') feelings.
I continue to struggle with "what kind of life do I want with my child", as my 20-year-old child behaves as though she wants nothing to do with me (unless she needs something). I've heard they become nicer around age 23; I keep hoping for that.