I was 3 years in on 4/19. Finding this content is “meeting me where I am at” (ugh) and for the first time I see a future beyond the daily despair I have felt for all this time. Thank you for articulating so much of what I have been unable to! Letting go is a process…. We will get there!
The deeply meaningful work of motherhood--it's not pretty, hence the "deeply meaningful". As Peavy indicated, it gets lighter. ;) You got this. Thank you so much for taking a moment to comment and share this awareness!
I am so thankful for this content. Listening to your conversation with Peavy today has helped me yet again. When I am starting to feel low this is the pick me up that I need. My daughter is 14 and it scares me that I could be just like you both in 4 years. But I know I have done a lot of the hard work you both discuss to keep our relationship strong while also taking care of myself. I don’t feel lost and alone anymore.
"it scares me that I could be just like you both in 4 years." ;) Sounds like you're deep into the work yourself. I'm glad these conversations help you feel less lost and alone, and your relationships with your self and your daughter are strong. You got this. <3
I am older, 76, but went through drugs with a teenager. In those days we had tough love. It was hard but it worked. Our son had to leave if he wasn't either working or at school and not doing drugs so of course he chose to leave. He is 45 now a homeowner & father of twin girls turning 5. I think you are quite wrong to disrespect those parents who don't affirm or who reject their children because they are uninformed and not knowledgeable. They are being cruel to be kind. So patronizing of you. I'm sure they think you don't know any better either. Too bad you can't learn anything from preceeding generations. Our son is profoundly grateful for our strength of character and despises the drugs that almost ruined his life forever.
Thank you SO much for this comment and for sharing your story! The last thing I want to do is come across as patronizing; I am a firm believer that parents are the experts in their own home and that there's no one right way to do things. I also believe previous generations have much wisdom to share and as a culture it would benefit us greatly to do more listening and learning from our elders!
It sounds like you experienced your own painful and meaningful work as a mother! It also sounds like you had clear boundaries and acted in an intentional way to do what seemed best for your family and that you're happy with the outcomes and have a strong relationship with your son. I'm so happy things turned out the way you hoped and your son appreciates the steps you took to support him.
I also think there are families out there who reject their children for a different reason: because they're at a loss and just don't know what to do. I think these families are flailing and need more support to act from a place of confidence and intuition. There is certainly more than one way to the goal and also families have different goals for their children. I think we've come to a time where many families who are experiencing this don't have the bandwidth or skills and need some guidance to navigate this precarious situation. Many adults who've sought medicalization after leaving the home and now regret those choices are too embarrassed to return to their parents who tried to stop them from "ruining" their lives. I'm hoping all of us can model more self-compassion so these lost souls feel safe to come back home.
Again, thank you for this comment and for giving me an opportunity to clarify anything that wasn't communicated well or seemed disrespectful. I'm also happy to continue the conversation!
Thank you for not taking my comment the wrong way. I felt when I was in an active parent mode that parental naivite was the biggest cause for concern. The "my child does not take drugs" or "I smoked up when I was young too" or "I want to be friends with my child" often came pretty close to "my child can do no wrong". Your guest admitted as much when her young daughter was going down the rabbit hole at 13 without supervision. Parents today must realize that there are people after our children's bodies & minds and will stop at nothing. I now have a 10 year old grandson who we are coaching about the dangers he will be facing to his body & his mind from those people who benefit financially from drugs & surgeries. It is a terrible world he is coming into but escape from reality ie trans is worse. Good luck with your substack. It is a brave venture.
Finally I once spoke to an undercover policewoman who looked very young. She said that girls being lured into prostitution did not stand any chance whatever if they ever came into contact with a pimp. Even she felt influenced! These are the people online luring our children make no mistake.
We live in a very precarious world indeed. Our children are very tech savvy and as much as we may like to monitor and control their access, it's very difficult to accomplish unless we control every moment of their lives--which can have it's own negative consequences. Having those conversations and "inoculating" them against the influences that may lure them into danger is the work I think so many of us are trying to do. It's my belief that the connection Peavy describes having with her daughter is our greatest asset in this strange, new world we're navigating. I wish you well with your grandson and hope for the best possible outcomes!
I'm interested in your perspective as I don't personally equate a trans identity with drug or alcohol abuse. For me, it has some similarities to being in a cult, and cult experts have shared that people are more likely to leave a group if they feel they have a continued connection to family on the outside instead of being completely cut off. I wonder, though, if there are indeed parents who think of this more like an addiction and who think of rejection as tough love. I'm so glad it worked well for your son with his drug addiction, but I do think it would be less helpful in the trans context.
I was 3 years in on 4/19. Finding this content is “meeting me where I am at” (ugh) and for the first time I see a future beyond the daily despair I have felt for all this time. Thank you for articulating so much of what I have been unable to! Letting go is a process…. We will get there!
The deeply meaningful work of motherhood--it's not pretty, hence the "deeply meaningful". As Peavy indicated, it gets lighter. ;) You got this. Thank you so much for taking a moment to comment and share this awareness!
Such a good conversation.
This was wonderful. Thank you!
Thank you for listening and taking time to comment! So glad it resonated.
I am so thankful for this content. Listening to your conversation with Peavy today has helped me yet again. When I am starting to feel low this is the pick me up that I need. My daughter is 14 and it scares me that I could be just like you both in 4 years. But I know I have done a lot of the hard work you both discuss to keep our relationship strong while also taking care of myself. I don’t feel lost and alone anymore.
"it scares me that I could be just like you both in 4 years." ;) Sounds like you're deep into the work yourself. I'm glad these conversations help you feel less lost and alone, and your relationships with your self and your daughter are strong. You got this. <3
I am older, 76, but went through drugs with a teenager. In those days we had tough love. It was hard but it worked. Our son had to leave if he wasn't either working or at school and not doing drugs so of course he chose to leave. He is 45 now a homeowner & father of twin girls turning 5. I think you are quite wrong to disrespect those parents who don't affirm or who reject their children because they are uninformed and not knowledgeable. They are being cruel to be kind. So patronizing of you. I'm sure they think you don't know any better either. Too bad you can't learn anything from preceeding generations. Our son is profoundly grateful for our strength of character and despises the drugs that almost ruined his life forever.
Thank you SO much for this comment and for sharing your story! The last thing I want to do is come across as patronizing; I am a firm believer that parents are the experts in their own home and that there's no one right way to do things. I also believe previous generations have much wisdom to share and as a culture it would benefit us greatly to do more listening and learning from our elders!
It sounds like you experienced your own painful and meaningful work as a mother! It also sounds like you had clear boundaries and acted in an intentional way to do what seemed best for your family and that you're happy with the outcomes and have a strong relationship with your son. I'm so happy things turned out the way you hoped and your son appreciates the steps you took to support him.
I also think there are families out there who reject their children for a different reason: because they're at a loss and just don't know what to do. I think these families are flailing and need more support to act from a place of confidence and intuition. There is certainly more than one way to the goal and also families have different goals for their children. I think we've come to a time where many families who are experiencing this don't have the bandwidth or skills and need some guidance to navigate this precarious situation. Many adults who've sought medicalization after leaving the home and now regret those choices are too embarrassed to return to their parents who tried to stop them from "ruining" their lives. I'm hoping all of us can model more self-compassion so these lost souls feel safe to come back home.
Again, thank you for this comment and for giving me an opportunity to clarify anything that wasn't communicated well or seemed disrespectful. I'm also happy to continue the conversation!
Thank you for not taking my comment the wrong way. I felt when I was in an active parent mode that parental naivite was the biggest cause for concern. The "my child does not take drugs" or "I smoked up when I was young too" or "I want to be friends with my child" often came pretty close to "my child can do no wrong". Your guest admitted as much when her young daughter was going down the rabbit hole at 13 without supervision. Parents today must realize that there are people after our children's bodies & minds and will stop at nothing. I now have a 10 year old grandson who we are coaching about the dangers he will be facing to his body & his mind from those people who benefit financially from drugs & surgeries. It is a terrible world he is coming into but escape from reality ie trans is worse. Good luck with your substack. It is a brave venture.
Finally I once spoke to an undercover policewoman who looked very young. She said that girls being lured into prostitution did not stand any chance whatever if they ever came into contact with a pimp. Even she felt influenced! These are the people online luring our children make no mistake.
We live in a very precarious world indeed. Our children are very tech savvy and as much as we may like to monitor and control their access, it's very difficult to accomplish unless we control every moment of their lives--which can have it's own negative consequences. Having those conversations and "inoculating" them against the influences that may lure them into danger is the work I think so many of us are trying to do. It's my belief that the connection Peavy describes having with her daughter is our greatest asset in this strange, new world we're navigating. I wish you well with your grandson and hope for the best possible outcomes!
I'm interested in your perspective as I don't personally equate a trans identity with drug or alcohol abuse. For me, it has some similarities to being in a cult, and cult experts have shared that people are more likely to leave a group if they feel they have a continued connection to family on the outside instead of being completely cut off. I wonder, though, if there are indeed parents who think of this more like an addiction and who think of rejection as tough love. I'm so glad it worked well for your son with his drug addiction, but I do think it would be less helpful in the trans context.