It's funny--I'm feeling very vulnerable right now and hoping for some comments on this one. I do wonder if this reflection needed a bit more context. At the time I wrote this, I was really feeling like a failure at parenting, marriage, professional life, all of it and also feeling like an alien in my own home as I was trying to learn and grow as a person but felt my family wanted none of it. This was also just shortly after my daughter started communicating with me about her gender confusion and those conversations had taken a turn for the worse. My husband was in denial and unable to deal with the heaviness of this topic, and we were all trying to protect my son from the information. I was definitely a wreck just trying to keep my head above water yet still felt I was drowning and that to keep my family together was a feat I might not be able to accomplish. I've heard some of you talk about "just wanting to run away" or "being oh so tired" or "maybe I'm the problem and my family would be better off if I left." I wanted to share that I was there too.
Upon reflecting, I realize this context would have been more appropriate in the recording itself before reading this particular reflection from the trenches. I invited a good friend of mine to subscribe when I first launched; her feedback was that reading my stuff made her feel uncomfortable because it was too vulnerable--I know this one would have been way too much for her! I welcome any comments about what listening to or reading this one might have brought up for you.
I have had very similar experiences and feelings. Only you describe it so much more eloquently. Thank you for putting your beautiful words to this feeling of being endlessly stuck in a chrysalis.
I remember listening to this a year or so ago. Re-listening to it now, at my current stage of maturation, it is so different. The goo is so painful, but I'm beginning to believe that you can't develop wisdom without pain, without the goo. Thank you for your vulnerability.
It's funny--I'm feeling very vulnerable right now and hoping for some comments on this one. I do wonder if this reflection needed a bit more context. At the time I wrote this, I was really feeling like a failure at parenting, marriage, professional life, all of it and also feeling like an alien in my own home as I was trying to learn and grow as a person but felt my family wanted none of it. This was also just shortly after my daughter started communicating with me about her gender confusion and those conversations had taken a turn for the worse. My husband was in denial and unable to deal with the heaviness of this topic, and we were all trying to protect my son from the information. I was definitely a wreck just trying to keep my head above water yet still felt I was drowning and that to keep my family together was a feat I might not be able to accomplish. I've heard some of you talk about "just wanting to run away" or "being oh so tired" or "maybe I'm the problem and my family would be better off if I left." I wanted to share that I was there too.
Upon reflecting, I realize this context would have been more appropriate in the recording itself before reading this particular reflection from the trenches. I invited a good friend of mine to subscribe when I first launched; her feedback was that reading my stuff made her feel uncomfortable because it was too vulnerable--I know this one would have been way too much for her! I welcome any comments about what listening to or reading this one might have brought up for you.
I have had very similar experiences and feelings. Only you describe it so much more eloquently. Thank you for putting your beautiful words to this feeling of being endlessly stuck in a chrysalis.
Thank you so much for listening and for commenting! Always remember that what emerges from the chrysalis is a butterfly. ;)
I remember listening to this a year or so ago. Re-listening to it now, at my current stage of maturation, it is so different. The goo is so painful, but I'm beginning to believe that you can't develop wisdom without pain, without the goo. Thank you for your vulnerability.
Those painful, paradigm-shifting experiences... Thank you for the comment!