I find it helpful to understand that the Serenity Prayer is a capsule summary of Stoicism, even though Niebuhr was not an adherent of the philosophy. "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
Thank you again, for somehow knowing exactly what I needed to hear when I needed it. Yesterday, after a very, very slight suggestion that my daughter is still wanting to be the opposite sex, I spiraled (on my own, away from my daughter) into both anger at the outside influences and also literally saying in my head to her, “Fine, I give up. Do whatever the hell you want. I’m done.” Thankfully, I have never “lost it” in front of my child yet, because I found you and others with wisdom in this situation before I had any conversation with her. It doesn’t mean one day I won’t, but hopefully I can continue to do what I’m doing by showing her I love her and trust her to make good decisions, and modeling handling my emotions when we do have challenging discussions. But it is always so, so hard.
Your philosophy, and the Stoic philosophy, makes perfect sense, and can really help anyone in any situation to make the most of it and make the most of life.
That having been said, I did want to make one point that might clarify what some people who read that post from Walk with Mom might be feeling, and specifically the parent who commented that she doesn't want to waste time regulating her emotions, but would rather spend that time fighting off evil. Perhaps she didn't mean that she is cool with falling apart and being a mess, and didn't mean she spends all day long being angry and tense. Perhaps she simply meant that she has chosen to focus her energy on the "good fight" against what is going wrong with society, and, in particular, the destructive messages we are sending our children - about being born in the wrong body, or needing to be referred to as if they are the opposite sex and perhaps needing to chemically or surgically alter their appearance to the opposite sex to ever have any semblance of happiness. Perhaps she doesn't feel it would be productive for her personally to spend several hours per week considering her emotional state, and she would rather spend those precious hours organizing to improve the world our children are growing up into. I don't know. I didn't post the comment, but I think it could be read that way. Again, I think the Stoic principles are helpful to anyone, but, for some people, concentrating on them is less helpful than taking action (hopefully with the principles in the background). Does this make sense?
As always, thanks for this thoughtful comment! I appreciate that you are using what I've said here as a way to clarify what moms spending their energy on the "good fight" might be experiencing--much like I used this mom's comment to reinforce the SMP message of the importance of emotional maturity. ;) I still want to encourage moms to consider whether they're spending their energy in a way that supports healthy relationships within the family; to notice whether they're perceived by their child as the enemy, and whether they feel their efforts are productive or contributing instead to their experiences of frustration, impotence, and living in a hostile world. I think we're at our usual impasse of how best to go about "improving the world." Love you, Hippiesq!
I find it helpful to understand that the Serenity Prayer is a capsule summary of Stoicism, even though Niebuhr was not an adherent of the philosophy. "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
Thank you again, for somehow knowing exactly what I needed to hear when I needed it. Yesterday, after a very, very slight suggestion that my daughter is still wanting to be the opposite sex, I spiraled (on my own, away from my daughter) into both anger at the outside influences and also literally saying in my head to her, “Fine, I give up. Do whatever the hell you want. I’m done.” Thankfully, I have never “lost it” in front of my child yet, because I found you and others with wisdom in this situation before I had any conversation with her. It doesn’t mean one day I won’t, but hopefully I can continue to do what I’m doing by showing her I love her and trust her to make good decisions, and modeling handling my emotions when we do have challenging discussions. But it is always so, so hard.
Your philosophy, and the Stoic philosophy, makes perfect sense, and can really help anyone in any situation to make the most of it and make the most of life.
That having been said, I did want to make one point that might clarify what some people who read that post from Walk with Mom might be feeling, and specifically the parent who commented that she doesn't want to waste time regulating her emotions, but would rather spend that time fighting off evil. Perhaps she didn't mean that she is cool with falling apart and being a mess, and didn't mean she spends all day long being angry and tense. Perhaps she simply meant that she has chosen to focus her energy on the "good fight" against what is going wrong with society, and, in particular, the destructive messages we are sending our children - about being born in the wrong body, or needing to be referred to as if they are the opposite sex and perhaps needing to chemically or surgically alter their appearance to the opposite sex to ever have any semblance of happiness. Perhaps she doesn't feel it would be productive for her personally to spend several hours per week considering her emotional state, and she would rather spend those precious hours organizing to improve the world our children are growing up into. I don't know. I didn't post the comment, but I think it could be read that way. Again, I think the Stoic principles are helpful to anyone, but, for some people, concentrating on them is less helpful than taking action (hopefully with the principles in the background). Does this make sense?
As always, thanks for this thoughtful comment! I appreciate that you are using what I've said here as a way to clarify what moms spending their energy on the "good fight" might be experiencing--much like I used this mom's comment to reinforce the SMP message of the importance of emotional maturity. ;) I still want to encourage moms to consider whether they're spending their energy in a way that supports healthy relationships within the family; to notice whether they're perceived by their child as the enemy, and whether they feel their efforts are productive or contributing instead to their experiences of frustration, impotence, and living in a hostile world. I think we're at our usual impasse of how best to go about "improving the world." Love you, Hippiesq!