So, I’ve had this title in mind for this piece, but have to admit to being quite stunned to discover this description of “self-fulfilling prophecy” from this paper by Lee Jussim as an observed phenomenon: Self-fulfilling prophecy, also known as interpersonal expectancy effect, refers to the phenomenon whereby a person's or a group's expectation for the behavior of another person or group serves actually to bring about the prophesied or expected behavior.
I love this post! I tell my kids all the time to watch what they think and say because they are making it more likely to come true, ie a self-fulfilling prophecy. And what's most fascinating is it's based in biology. The Reticular Activating System is a part of the brain that is always on the lookout for what we are thinking about and therefore paying attention to. Energy flows where attention goes. Ever notice how you start to see a particular kind of car everywhere when you think of buying that particular car? The cars were there all along, but now that you are contemplating buying that car, your RAS is on alert to point them out to you. Same thing in every other aspect of life. Problem is, saying you *don't* want some particular outcome or other is shining a spotlight on that very thing and the RAS doesn't understand "no". it just goes full steam ahead to give you what you are thinking about, even when you are thinking about what you don't want. Humans are funny.
I am not sure how I apply this. My young adult wants me to pay for many surgeries. The ideal would be that if they have to do this they earn and pay and are in control of their own future, but they do not have the capacity to work due to their autism. So if I Iet go of trying to influence and believe in them and their capability to make the decisions that are best for them I pay for surgeries? I really hate the fact that my decisions will control their outcomes because I do not want the responsibility as I simply do not know what is best for them.
I love this post! I tell my kids all the time to watch what they think and say because they are making it more likely to come true, ie a self-fulfilling prophecy. And what's most fascinating is it's based in biology. The Reticular Activating System is a part of the brain that is always on the lookout for what we are thinking about and therefore paying attention to. Energy flows where attention goes. Ever notice how you start to see a particular kind of car everywhere when you think of buying that particular car? The cars were there all along, but now that you are contemplating buying that car, your RAS is on alert to point them out to you. Same thing in every other aspect of life. Problem is, saying you *don't* want some particular outcome or other is shining a spotlight on that very thing and the RAS doesn't understand "no". it just goes full steam ahead to give you what you are thinking about, even when you are thinking about what you don't want. Humans are funny.
I am not sure how I apply this. My young adult wants me to pay for many surgeries. The ideal would be that if they have to do this they earn and pay and are in control of their own future, but they do not have the capacity to work due to their autism. So if I Iet go of trying to influence and believe in them and their capability to make the decisions that are best for them I pay for surgeries? I really hate the fact that my decisions will control their outcomes because I do not want the responsibility as I simply do not know what is best for them.