Oh, my! This helped me so much. I am not quite as far along as you are, but I do see light ar the end of the tunnel. Just an outstanding podcast. Thank you and God bless you both!
To be perfectly honest, I find this very difficult. Maybe I’m just not ready for it. I don’t know. But I’ve always hated the Abraham story because, for me, it represented blind faith - and I don’t like blind faith. Faith for me is faith only in my own instincts - which could be said to be a tapping into the universe and it’s overall wisdom. But faith in something that goes against my own instincts seems contrary and potentially destructive. In fact, that’s the type of faith that is causing so many to wander into gender ideology. That’s one part of this. The other part is that I can’t just leave it to my daughter, and trust that she will figure it all out because I do believe she has been the victim of cultural forces beyond her control that are blinding her to her own instincts - which I do trust. So I feel like I have to intervene to get her to see through the blinding light of this destructive ideology and tap back into her instincts. On the other hand, I totally agree that there may be some things here beyond our control and we have to let those go. It’s that serenity prayer thing. We have to change what we can (if we think it’s wrong), accept what we can’t change, and figure out the difference. Maybe I’m still figuring out the difference and you’ve already determined what you can and cannot change. This was not meant to criticize! Just to keep the discussion going.
This conversation was so helpful. Our daughter is 15 and for the past two years the schools (against our explicit wishes) treated her like a boy. She pretends to be a boy at school with her teachers and friends. We continue to treat her like a girl at home and with family friends, neighbors, and relatives. Some groups overlap, but I hold the line with her name and sex. She’s always been a natural rebel and VERY independent. The more I push back, the more intrenched she becomes. This year, I backed off. A LOT. I have found the less I micromanage her the better she does, despite being still trans-identified.
She's focusing on her schoolwork, hanging out with a nice group of kids, earning money doing odd jobs, making future plans, being more helpful at home. She seems legit happy. She doesn't seem bothered switching between he/him pronouns at school and using she/her pronouns with us/neighbors/family. I’m bothered more because, as the mother, I’m constantly asked what pronouns she goes by, so I am repeatedly forced to weigh her wishes against my conscience. I say she/her and change the subject.
I have a great kid. She’s kind and funny and smart and beautiful. I support her rejection of sex-based stereotypes. She can wear whatever she like. All I can do is to try and provide space where she can be comfortable becoming whatever type of woman she wants to be.
I really love the concept of Curriculum of the Soul. It’s time for me to let go of the illusion of control. I want to enjoy her again; being with her and watching her grow into a happy, connected, contributing adult. I want to stop being anxious and worried all the time for her and for the state of our world. I want to trust that she will, eventually, make the best decisions she can for herself. At this point, I need to focus on becoming a happy, less-anxious mother. I’m not there yet. Wish me luck.
Your story is so similar to mine. Even your philosophy towards learning. The charter sounds like the one I did home study with. SCVI . I pulled my son out of public school and started in 2nd grade. My daughter never went to school. Unfortunately the gender and sexual orientation crap started in a home school theatre program at a community theatre. She has chosen to go to public school last year in 9th grade. Wow! They sure do look for a diagnoses for normal teen feelings. She wanted to be diagnosed with anxiety. That's exactly what a therapist did last year. I stopped therapy. Have taken her to lots of concerts and some how the anxiety has disappeared. I completely unschooled her final year of home schooling. Now the teachers indulge her name and gender at school. I don't at home.
I have been waiting for this episode. I have been so curious how things are going for you! So many of us moms are having parallel experiences, and I love how you are handling it. I continue to model, I continue to show up and engage even more. There is a shift now. Maybe it’s her maturing and being able to take more control of other things in her life. Maybe it’s me reminding myself that this is the culture, to continue to find joy and be present with her as this time is so precious. It’s also me becoming more confident and setting boundaries. Thank you StoicMom.
Oh, my! This helped me so much. I am not quite as far along as you are, but I do see light ar the end of the tunnel. Just an outstanding podcast. Thank you and God bless you both!
To be perfectly honest, I find this very difficult. Maybe I’m just not ready for it. I don’t know. But I’ve always hated the Abraham story because, for me, it represented blind faith - and I don’t like blind faith. Faith for me is faith only in my own instincts - which could be said to be a tapping into the universe and it’s overall wisdom. But faith in something that goes against my own instincts seems contrary and potentially destructive. In fact, that’s the type of faith that is causing so many to wander into gender ideology. That’s one part of this. The other part is that I can’t just leave it to my daughter, and trust that she will figure it all out because I do believe she has been the victim of cultural forces beyond her control that are blinding her to her own instincts - which I do trust. So I feel like I have to intervene to get her to see through the blinding light of this destructive ideology and tap back into her instincts. On the other hand, I totally agree that there may be some things here beyond our control and we have to let those go. It’s that serenity prayer thing. We have to change what we can (if we think it’s wrong), accept what we can’t change, and figure out the difference. Maybe I’m still figuring out the difference and you’ve already determined what you can and cannot change. This was not meant to criticize! Just to keep the discussion going.
This conversation was so helpful. Our daughter is 15 and for the past two years the schools (against our explicit wishes) treated her like a boy. She pretends to be a boy at school with her teachers and friends. We continue to treat her like a girl at home and with family friends, neighbors, and relatives. Some groups overlap, but I hold the line with her name and sex. She’s always been a natural rebel and VERY independent. The more I push back, the more intrenched she becomes. This year, I backed off. A LOT. I have found the less I micromanage her the better she does, despite being still trans-identified.
She's focusing on her schoolwork, hanging out with a nice group of kids, earning money doing odd jobs, making future plans, being more helpful at home. She seems legit happy. She doesn't seem bothered switching between he/him pronouns at school and using she/her pronouns with us/neighbors/family. I’m bothered more because, as the mother, I’m constantly asked what pronouns she goes by, so I am repeatedly forced to weigh her wishes against my conscience. I say she/her and change the subject.
I have a great kid. She’s kind and funny and smart and beautiful. I support her rejection of sex-based stereotypes. She can wear whatever she like. All I can do is to try and provide space where she can be comfortable becoming whatever type of woman she wants to be.
I really love the concept of Curriculum of the Soul. It’s time for me to let go of the illusion of control. I want to enjoy her again; being with her and watching her grow into a happy, connected, contributing adult. I want to stop being anxious and worried all the time for her and for the state of our world. I want to trust that she will, eventually, make the best decisions she can for herself. At this point, I need to focus on becoming a happy, less-anxious mother. I’m not there yet. Wish me luck.
Your story is so similar to mine. Even your philosophy towards learning. The charter sounds like the one I did home study with. SCVI . I pulled my son out of public school and started in 2nd grade. My daughter never went to school. Unfortunately the gender and sexual orientation crap started in a home school theatre program at a community theatre. She has chosen to go to public school last year in 9th grade. Wow! They sure do look for a diagnoses for normal teen feelings. She wanted to be diagnosed with anxiety. That's exactly what a therapist did last year. I stopped therapy. Have taken her to lots of concerts and some how the anxiety has disappeared. I completely unschooled her final year of home schooling. Now the teachers indulge her name and gender at school. I don't at home.
I have been waiting for this episode. I have been so curious how things are going for you! So many of us moms are having parallel experiences, and I love how you are handling it. I continue to model, I continue to show up and engage even more. There is a shift now. Maybe it’s her maturing and being able to take more control of other things in her life. Maybe it’s me reminding myself that this is the culture, to continue to find joy and be present with her as this time is so precious. It’s also me becoming more confident and setting boundaries. Thank you StoicMom.