Updates about my daughter tend to be the most popular of my articles. Of course, this makes sense. It’s likely why you’re here–to compare what’s happening in your family with what’s happening in someone else’s–someone who is also going through this oh-so-strange parenting experience.
If you’ve been following along, you know my daughter now lives an 8-hour drive away from us, having returned to the city we moved away from just after her 16th birthday. I talk about how that went for us in Pivotal Moments and a bit in Coming Home (both republished on PITT at what now seems like ages ago…)
She’s not in college and currently has no intention of adding more formal education to her life, at least any time soon; and at least according to the last conversation we had about this which I wouldn’t be able to pinpoint. She’s been pretty clear about this for years now. Mind you, not only am I fine with this decision, I support it completely.
My stance on college–and frankly any formal education–is this (and I don’t expect anyone else to adopt it): be clear on what you want from the experience, and do your research. Make sure the institution you plan to attend aligns with your values or will tolerate different views; will provide you the skills and knowledge you’ve selected it for; will inspire you to get the most out of the experience; and if there’s a cost involved, know how you’ll pay for it without acquiring debt. I figured out this was my position due to my own experiences with formal education–as a teacher, as a student, and as a parent. I found these to be painful lessons, but they brought much clarity.
I also believe there are many paths to a satisfying and meaningful life and many ways to educate oneself to achieve such a life. I believe we are each the project of a lifetime, and embarking on a formal education experience before you’re fully ready for it is often an expensive diversion at best–though there will be lessons learned for sure. Because we’re human–and humans are learners. We’re always learning, so I believe a productive question to assess whether the current environment is working for you or your child is, “What am I (or What is my child) learning right now about the world and who I am (he/she is) in it?”
But you’re not likely reading this one for more of Stoicmom’s philosophy, you’re here for the update. So back to my daughter:
A couple weeks ago she was involved in a car wreck. I don’t know how many times she’s told me the statistic that new drivers are nearly always involved in an accident within the first year of becoming a licensed driver. She made it two plus years, so I guess that’s a win?
I did that thing to you just now. That thing my husband did when he told me. I started with the wreck and left you hanging about how she fared. My kid did not do that thing when she called her dad. She started with, “I’m fine, but…”