It takes a village.

In some of my earlier pieces, I talk about the importance of not parenting from a place of fear. I recently interviewed Dr. Maggie Goldsmith and will publish that conversation later this week. I doubt you’re surprised that I invited her on to expand the conversation she recently had with Sasha and Stella on A Wider Lens. We talked about what it’s like to be a mom today; how our effort to parent well-attached kids seemed to blow up in our faces when outside influences seduced our children to adopt a trans identity. We landed on the importance of not trying to do this by yourself. I think one of the most insidious aspects of this circumstance is how isolated it makes us feel. Humans have a need to be seen and understood; we’re wired to be in community and we heal in relationship. 

I believe our children still need us in their lives, regardless of their age. This said, I think it’s important here to explore how they need us to be. Do they need us to be anxious and fearful? Or grounded and confident? If this circumstance destabilized you and shook your parenting confidence, you are far from alone in this experience! Yet, I think it’s crucially important that you regain solid ground, recognize the invitation your child is communicating to evolve the relationship, and as TD says in this testimonial, find a way to become the parent your child needs you to be in this moment. This is not an easy task, and it’s way more doable when you have a support system. 

For a long time after my daughter announced her trans identity, I felt so much anxiety and fear for her future. The more I learned about ROGD and ruminated on the worst case scenarios in some other parent groups, the worse I felt. I knew I needed to make a change so that I could be the mom I wanted to be, and the mom my daughter needed me to be.

When you’re parenting a child through this difficult experience, it’s so important to take care of yourself and find support for your own growth and development. The SMP has really helped me do this work. I’m better able to manage anxiety and be more strategic and intentional in my parenting. I’m able to live more in the moment, not worry so much about the future, and trust that my daughter will grow through this experience. It’s so freeing to not be so scared all the time, because you can’t parent effectively from a place of fear.

One of the things that’s so great about the SMP community is that no matter where you are in this process, there’s something here for you. Whether it’s the Foundations Course, the learning clubs, our monthly meetings, or just lifting each other up through regular check-ins, this is an inspiring, supportive community of growth-oriented moms.

—TD, mother of a 17 yo trans-identified daughter

As TD mentions, the mamas who are members of the SMP community have the opportunity to meet live (via zoom) at least once a month. These meetings have evolved over the past year since the community was launched. Currently, we come together and everyone has an opportunity to share what’s on their heart. The term, “insights and celebrations” is well known among the members. If what you’re sharing in the meeting does not feel like an insight or celebration, we take time to practice some of the skills we’ve learned in the community–how to assess the feelings and use them as information, or how to soften to our child’s experience, or how to find meaning in something that seems senseless. The intent is to always ensure you feel seen and bolstered in a way that can only be gained in community while also doing some skill-building to equip you with practices that can help you feel more grounded and stable. We always end the meeting with “hopeful takeaways” and the ultimate goal is that you leave feeling supported and even just a little bit better than when you arrived. 

Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash

Most months, we meet Second Sunday, and that’s the case this month which means you still have time to get vetted and join us this Sunday, November 12! Through the month of November, memberships to the community are on sale for the introductory price of $210 for a full year. (Regular $255) Included in this is also a full year’s subscription to the StoicMom Project Substack so you can access all paid content and the full archive.

Visit https://the-stoicmom-project.mn.co/ for more information or if you know you’re ready to jump in and be a part of this supportive community, please complete this application. (This is a private, vetted community, and the application initiates the vetting process while also ensuring the culture is a good fit for you.)

If you know it’s time to evolve your relationship with your child (and your self,) and you recognize how powerful it would be to have a supportive community full of moms on the same path, we’d love to welcome you into ours!