Much of the focus here lately has been on the intense pain of the “dark night of the soul”—a descent many parents are thrust into by the circumstances surrounding their child.
So true. This is 9 years for me. My son had his male parts removed, he did finish Law School, passed Bar, married a biological female thats a lesbian (and horrible to me). They live 17 hours from me. They eloped, I wasn't allowed at graduation by wife. Now he needs money. I'm not reading the articles. I'm tired, but blessed that I've met parents through this ordeal that understand. I'm grateful to hear the detransitioners - I pray my son will be there some day. I fear what his health will be like. My only child. I'm divorced, had 2 close cousins die in less than 2 months. In some ways I'm lost. I love my son with my whole heart and I pray for him. Thats my life.
Yes, I do. God has helped me in various ways. I just cannot change the situation. Last night I saw an old friend (HS and college). She knew my son was trans - she said I should be happy. Her daughter (now son - age 36) - had breast removal, hysterectomy.... said she is so happy, and the mom said she knew while her daughter was growing up, she hated being a girl. She kept questioning me and my non-affirming status. I was ticked, but a few years ago I would have spiraled.
Thank you for this. This encapsulates so much of what I feel/ have experienced/ am noticing right now. I feel like I am
bobbing around in a lake, pretty far from any shore , and then I read one of your pieces. And today, I sighed with the relief that others feel the same as I do.
I'm so glad it resonated! I fear too many are suspicious of the feel goods and don't allow them because they're temporary; preferring to rob themselves of those moments of peace and joy rather than have them come and go.
I was recently hit with a health issue that shook my perspective pretty seriously, and made me realize how precious my own life is. I had sort of forgotten that. It made me realize that I can contribute in ways other than fighting gender ideology (although I still want to be part of that), even just "little things" like cooking, cleaning, helping financially or lending an ear to my family and friends. And enjoying my own life also matters.
And, significantly, I realized more acutely how little I can control of what my daughter does. It still saddens me greatly what she has chosen to do to her body and the lies she tells herself, but I know that's for her to deal with at this point (as she is 19). I can't do much about it. I can be as good a role model as possible and love her and support her so that she can, hopefully, realize her own self-worth, but I cannot convince her that her choices are "wrong." That's up to her.
I still have moments of intense anger and disappointment at her current situation and the state of the world on this issue, but I am less focused on that.
The dark night of the soul is something I know very well. I have experienced a lot of what you described. I'm confused about the use of the word fear though. That has not been a part of my experience but perhaps it is for others. I've had a lot of grief though. I manage my grief much better and have learned to carry on. Focusing on self-care is working. Anyhow, we all have to examine what works and what doesn't on a nearly daily basis, so I encourage that!
I couldn't agree more that we must keep examining what works and let our intuition guide us through this darkness. Access to your grief is a sign of a soft, resilient heart. Many fear the grief, resisting it, and that avoidance can come to steer their lives. Thank you for sharing what you've found works for you!
I love this so much, you have just about described the last year of my life. Once my TI daughter turned 18 and graduated high school, I felt the lifting of fear; fear that the school might call CPS, the fear that she would turn her sister against us for not affirming her delusions. Even though I am not religious, I recite the Serenity prayer every night, asking for serenity, courage, and wisdom. Thank you for your work, I am ready to move past all things 'trans'. I wish the world would do the same.
Feel the one foot in both worlds and the boom of fear, resentment and craving to be heard. This deepening of myself particularly being a female and being older. The depth and wisdom that is forming but also the understanding that this is why women have been persecuted as witches, struggled to be seen/heard, etc the fear of this knowledge, depth and wisdom because it is unknown by others (men, younger women and those not open to it) it is seen as a threat rather than a vast well that can be drawn apon.
So true. This is 9 years for me. My son had his male parts removed, he did finish Law School, passed Bar, married a biological female thats a lesbian (and horrible to me). They live 17 hours from me. They eloped, I wasn't allowed at graduation by wife. Now he needs money. I'm not reading the articles. I'm tired, but blessed that I've met parents through this ordeal that understand. I'm grateful to hear the detransitioners - I pray my son will be there some day. I fear what his health will be like. My only child. I'm divorced, had 2 close cousins die in less than 2 months. In some ways I'm lost. I love my son with my whole heart and I pray for him. Thats my life.
So painful, Dee. It sounds very lonely but I also hear that you have a relationship with a higher power that you communicate with via prayer?
Yes, I do. God has helped me in various ways. I just cannot change the situation. Last night I saw an old friend (HS and college). She knew my son was trans - she said I should be happy. Her daughter (now son - age 36) - had breast removal, hysterectomy.... said she is so happy, and the mom said she knew while her daughter was growing up, she hated being a girl. She kept questioning me and my non-affirming status. I was ticked, but a few years ago I would have spiraled.
Thank you for this. This encapsulates so much of what I feel/ have experienced/ am noticing right now. I feel like I am
bobbing around in a lake, pretty far from any shore , and then I read one of your pieces. And today, I sighed with the relief that others feel the same as I do.
I'm so glad it resonated! I fear too many are suspicious of the feel goods and don't allow them because they're temporary; preferring to rob themselves of those moments of peace and joy rather than have them come and go.
This is so important.
I was recently hit with a health issue that shook my perspective pretty seriously, and made me realize how precious my own life is. I had sort of forgotten that. It made me realize that I can contribute in ways other than fighting gender ideology (although I still want to be part of that), even just "little things" like cooking, cleaning, helping financially or lending an ear to my family and friends. And enjoying my own life also matters.
And, significantly, I realized more acutely how little I can control of what my daughter does. It still saddens me greatly what she has chosen to do to her body and the lies she tells herself, but I know that's for her to deal with at this point (as she is 19). I can't do much about it. I can be as good a role model as possible and love her and support her so that she can, hopefully, realize her own self-worth, but I cannot convince her that her choices are "wrong." That's up to her.
I still have moments of intense anger and disappointment at her current situation and the state of the world on this issue, but I am less focused on that.
❤
The dark night of the soul is something I know very well. I have experienced a lot of what you described. I'm confused about the use of the word fear though. That has not been a part of my experience but perhaps it is for others. I've had a lot of grief though. I manage my grief much better and have learned to carry on. Focusing on self-care is working. Anyhow, we all have to examine what works and what doesn't on a nearly daily basis, so I encourage that!
I couldn't agree more that we must keep examining what works and let our intuition guide us through this darkness. Access to your grief is a sign of a soft, resilient heart. Many fear the grief, resisting it, and that avoidance can come to steer their lives. Thank you for sharing what you've found works for you!
I love this so much, you have just about described the last year of my life. Once my TI daughter turned 18 and graduated high school, I felt the lifting of fear; fear that the school might call CPS, the fear that she would turn her sister against us for not affirming her delusions. Even though I am not religious, I recite the Serenity prayer every night, asking for serenity, courage, and wisdom. Thank you for your work, I am ready to move past all things 'trans'. I wish the world would do the same.
Feel the one foot in both worlds and the boom of fear, resentment and craving to be heard. This deepening of myself particularly being a female and being older. The depth and wisdom that is forming but also the understanding that this is why women have been persecuted as witches, struggled to be seen/heard, etc the fear of this knowledge, depth and wisdom because it is unknown by others (men, younger women and those not open to it) it is seen as a threat rather than a vast well that can be drawn apon.
We all benefit when we seek balance of our human need to belong to a family and tribe with our destiny of Oneness.