Regarding the grief — it goes beyond feeling we aren’t allowed to be public about it. We’re told not only that we are not supposed to feel sad, rather that we are supposed to be celebrating what our children are doing to themselves.
When I think back, I don't remember a single person telling me what I should or shouldn't be feeling. It could have been that I carefully selected who I communicated with about it. Have you had people say this directly to you?
Perhaps a more helpful perspective than expecting hostility is to expect others to react from their personal trauma experiences—we all have our “stuff” and defensive reactivity.
Yes, this is starting to get at what I was trying to convey in the conversation. If others' projections don't bug us, and we're at peace with our stance and approach, would it change the dynamic in social situations? I personally find little need to discuss it anymore. I don't feel like I'm in the closet, I'm just not inclined to bring it up. It's not front of mind for me when I'm around people IRL.
I resonate with the “looking in their eyes” experience. Despite how my daughter has masculinized, I still see my daughter when I look into her eyes.
Regarding the grief — it goes beyond feeling we aren’t allowed to be public about it. We’re told not only that we are not supposed to feel sad, rather that we are supposed to be celebrating what our children are doing to themselves.
When I think back, I don't remember a single person telling me what I should or shouldn't be feeling. It could have been that I carefully selected who I communicated with about it. Have you had people say this directly to you?
Perhaps a more helpful perspective than expecting hostility is to expect others to react from their personal trauma experiences—we all have our “stuff” and defensive reactivity.
Yes, this is starting to get at what I was trying to convey in the conversation. If others' projections don't bug us, and we're at peace with our stance and approach, would it change the dynamic in social situations? I personally find little need to discuss it anymore. I don't feel like I'm in the closet, I'm just not inclined to bring it up. It's not front of mind for me when I'm around people IRL.
You are so good with words. I can't wait to listen later this week. Grading papers today and praying for the election until then...