If you sometimes get the sense that StoicMom is out of touch with what’s happening in the (gender) world, I want to be right up front with you and let you know, it’s because I am. There was some lively discussion going on in the comment section of my last piece,
I love this. You give words to my inner sense of myself and the state I find is most satisfying and empowering for me. I acquired this state from an extended period of utter, devastating heartbreak in my marriage. It killed me over and over again and I was reborn each time. This question from the previous article "What would it look like for me to get bigger than this problem?” has been so powerful for me in my life and the only thing that saved me when I was ready to leave this world. So when my daughter announced she was taking testosterone and wanted to be called by a boy's name, I died again, but my body and soul recognized this home state of mine. I don't think you can will yourself there, but I think allowing myself to feel destroyed to my core, allowed for an opening to myself. I think it would be different if my daughter wasn't over 18. If she was a little girl. I probably would have more power. Having very little power in this, I had to give up my grasping and hoping for a different reality. And after a particularly powerful and violent dream, I too recognized that I couldn't rescue my child but I could do my best to relate "to her as a whole, healthy human with the capacity to develop resilience and create a life well-lived for herself." And that is proving more fruitful than I imagined.
I so appreciate you sharing this vulnerable story; sometimes I hesitate for hours to hit "publish" and then someone leaves a comment like this (that makes me cry) and I'm reminded why I do this. "I had to give up my grasping and hoping for a different reality." Yes, and it can break our hearts to pieces or break us wide open.
I recently discovered this Marianne Williamson quote:
“Until your knees hit the floor, you’re just playing at life, and on some level you’re scared
because you know it. The moment of surrender is not when life is over. It’s when it begins.”
It's when we rise from the ashes that we can really be open to the full experience of Life and know we can handle all of it. The more stories like yours that we're willing to share with each other, the more others hear what happens on the other side of the surrender--well maybe it makes letting go even just a little less scary.
Thank you for these amazing words and insight. It helps make this difficult journey a little bit easier, and brings me a tad closer to my own surrender and finding some inner peace in accepting the things and people that we can't change.
Whoo-ey, do I need and appreciate this essay! Thank you so much for this. I am at the stage of finding it very hard to look away from "gender world" and very hard to not be in "the fight", all the time. I will sit with your words for a while and, as S Bee writes, with the question "what would it look like for me to get bigger than this problem?" Thank you for this offering. I'm sticking around.
Reading your words tend to bring me back to base. Working with my own teen this summer and making connections again I will take any day over fighting the good fight and fighting with her.
I've got a great podcast interview to get published in which the mama I'm talking with describes healthy family connection and the benefits of. I think you'll like it.
For me, Alan Watts’ Wisdom of Insecurity got me thinking this way back in the late 1980s and I thought The Power of Now (Eckhart Tolle) reinforced the notion of changing the world by being present in the moment and shedding “ego.” This general idea of accepting life as it comes to us is very helpful for every struggle, but also very difficult to keep up! Still, it’s worth continually striving for it. I probably help my own daughter the most when we just have a laugh, as she often reminds me. Please keep doing what you’re doing because every person who gets just a moment’s peace from your words spreads that peace around and that will change the world (If a little slower than we might hope)!
"I probably help my own daughter the most when we just have a laugh..." YES! I think the most comforting thing I experience is when my family members laugh together. So grateful for my son (it was a very intentional and difficult decision to conceive him and bring him into the world) who keeps us in stitches much of the time with his clever sense of humor. And as I'm writing this, I realize laughter is usually the goal when I get my girl on the phone.
Eudaimonia is Greek word and concept, and one a philosopher friend and I have l have been using for the past 30 years in our discussions about our lives because it is a unique and irreplaceable concept to describe the "well lived life.". I heard someone else using it recently somewhere on the radio or a podcast so it may be emerging organically. Maybe that's where you heard it too. We pronounce it "yew-die-mon-EE-ah" with the emphasis on the 4th syllable. That's not how they pronounced it, so not sure what the correct way is.
I found myself rereading these comments for a reason I won't go into here, but reading yours, it reminded me of an experience I had maybe a month ago while I was on a walk. I've always been a bit of a word lover and have a thick Etymology dictionary--yes, an actual book--on my book shelf. As I was walking, I was thinking about this word that is the title of this article: eudaimonia, and it hit me that the word when broken down means "good daimon condition" (eu- means good and daimon is that ephemeral force unique to each of us that keeps us moving toward our purpose, torturing us if we get too far off track.) I was thrilled to discover this! I love that the idea of a life well-lived/flourishing is essentially the same as having a good relationship with our daimon.
I first heard it spoken also--listening to The Web of Meaning by Jeremy Lent. The reader put the emphasis on the third syllable, -MON (with a long o sound.)
Thank you for sharing this! I do like thinking it's making a comeback. ;)
Yes, that is how it was pronounced, so maybe that was the source. I didn't actually hear the podcast, my friend did and remarked to me about this word we have discussed for so long. He was writing a graduate thesis about it in Philosophy in the 90s.
Beautifully said. I find myself on a similar trajectory of feeling burned out by trying to be the Warrior in the gender arena and keeping the flame of righteous indignation burning. It's exhausting fighting against this tide and was taking precious time away from the people and activities I love. I find myself drawn now to being energized and filled up by the things I love and am passionate about. It's a more peaceful and connective approach, and that's the world I want to live in. Peaceful and connected. Seems like a worthwhile endeavor to be the change, as the saying goes. Finding your calming words and reflections and healing perspective came at a pivotal time for me on my journey. I so appreciate your ability to thoughtfully articulate these deep concepts. Thank you.
Thank you for this comment! I find contributing to a more peaceful and connected world far more energizing and hopefu. I've come to believe that by changing our inner world, changing our experience, we make an equal or greater impact than pushing against, fighting against, and feeding the energy that widens the divide. I think we're on the same page here. ;)
Stoicmom I am so impressed with your soul adventures and listening to that inner voice that drives them. This article came just as I got some news which threatened to unmoor me. A good reminder to return to myself and the connection with my daughter.
Thank you so much for taking time to leave this comment! I love, love knowing that something here at the SMP helped you to stay grounded and connected. Hang in there, Mama!
I love this. You give words to my inner sense of myself and the state I find is most satisfying and empowering for me. I acquired this state from an extended period of utter, devastating heartbreak in my marriage. It killed me over and over again and I was reborn each time. This question from the previous article "What would it look like for me to get bigger than this problem?” has been so powerful for me in my life and the only thing that saved me when I was ready to leave this world. So when my daughter announced she was taking testosterone and wanted to be called by a boy's name, I died again, but my body and soul recognized this home state of mine. I don't think you can will yourself there, but I think allowing myself to feel destroyed to my core, allowed for an opening to myself. I think it would be different if my daughter wasn't over 18. If she was a little girl. I probably would have more power. Having very little power in this, I had to give up my grasping and hoping for a different reality. And after a particularly powerful and violent dream, I too recognized that I couldn't rescue my child but I could do my best to relate "to her as a whole, healthy human with the capacity to develop resilience and create a life well-lived for herself." And that is proving more fruitful than I imagined.
I so appreciate you sharing this vulnerable story; sometimes I hesitate for hours to hit "publish" and then someone leaves a comment like this (that makes me cry) and I'm reminded why I do this. "I had to give up my grasping and hoping for a different reality." Yes, and it can break our hearts to pieces or break us wide open.
I recently discovered this Marianne Williamson quote:
“Until your knees hit the floor, you’re just playing at life, and on some level you’re scared
because you know it. The moment of surrender is not when life is over. It’s when it begins.”
It's when we rise from the ashes that we can really be open to the full experience of Life and know we can handle all of it. The more stories like yours that we're willing to share with each other, the more others hear what happens on the other side of the surrender--well maybe it makes letting go even just a little less scary.
Again, thank you!
Thank you for these amazing words and insight. It helps make this difficult journey a little bit easier, and brings me a tad closer to my own surrender and finding some inner peace in accepting the things and people that we can't change.
Whoo-ey, do I need and appreciate this essay! Thank you so much for this. I am at the stage of finding it very hard to look away from "gender world" and very hard to not be in "the fight", all the time. I will sit with your words for a while and, as S Bee writes, with the question "what would it look like for me to get bigger than this problem?" Thank you for this offering. I'm sticking around.
I welcome you to return with your insights after sitting with that question for a bit!
Reading your words tend to bring me back to base. Working with my own teen this summer and making connections again I will take any day over fighting the good fight and fighting with her.
"I'm a lover, not a fighter." ;)
I've got a great podcast interview to get published in which the mama I'm talking with describes healthy family connection and the benefits of. I think you'll like it.
For me, Alan Watts’ Wisdom of Insecurity got me thinking this way back in the late 1980s and I thought The Power of Now (Eckhart Tolle) reinforced the notion of changing the world by being present in the moment and shedding “ego.” This general idea of accepting life as it comes to us is very helpful for every struggle, but also very difficult to keep up! Still, it’s worth continually striving for it. I probably help my own daughter the most when we just have a laugh, as she often reminds me. Please keep doing what you’re doing because every person who gets just a moment’s peace from your words spreads that peace around and that will change the world (If a little slower than we might hope)!
"I probably help my own daughter the most when we just have a laugh..." YES! I think the most comforting thing I experience is when my family members laugh together. So grateful for my son (it was a very intentional and difficult decision to conceive him and bring him into the world) who keeps us in stitches much of the time with his clever sense of humor. And as I'm writing this, I realize laughter is usually the goal when I get my girl on the phone.
Eudaimonia is Greek word and concept, and one a philosopher friend and I have l have been using for the past 30 years in our discussions about our lives because it is a unique and irreplaceable concept to describe the "well lived life.". I heard someone else using it recently somewhere on the radio or a podcast so it may be emerging organically. Maybe that's where you heard it too. We pronounce it "yew-die-mon-EE-ah" with the emphasis on the 4th syllable. That's not how they pronounced it, so not sure what the correct way is.
I found myself rereading these comments for a reason I won't go into here, but reading yours, it reminded me of an experience I had maybe a month ago while I was on a walk. I've always been a bit of a word lover and have a thick Etymology dictionary--yes, an actual book--on my book shelf. As I was walking, I was thinking about this word that is the title of this article: eudaimonia, and it hit me that the word when broken down means "good daimon condition" (eu- means good and daimon is that ephemeral force unique to each of us that keeps us moving toward our purpose, torturing us if we get too far off track.) I was thrilled to discover this! I love that the idea of a life well-lived/flourishing is essentially the same as having a good relationship with our daimon.
That's a cool way to look at it!
I first heard it spoken also--listening to The Web of Meaning by Jeremy Lent. The reader put the emphasis on the third syllable, -MON (with a long o sound.)
Thank you for sharing this! I do like thinking it's making a comeback. ;)
Yes, that is how it was pronounced, so maybe that was the source. I didn't actually hear the podcast, my friend did and remarked to me about this word we have discussed for so long. He was writing a graduate thesis about it in Philosophy in the 90s.
Beautifully said. I find myself on a similar trajectory of feeling burned out by trying to be the Warrior in the gender arena and keeping the flame of righteous indignation burning. It's exhausting fighting against this tide and was taking precious time away from the people and activities I love. I find myself drawn now to being energized and filled up by the things I love and am passionate about. It's a more peaceful and connective approach, and that's the world I want to live in. Peaceful and connected. Seems like a worthwhile endeavor to be the change, as the saying goes. Finding your calming words and reflections and healing perspective came at a pivotal time for me on my journey. I so appreciate your ability to thoughtfully articulate these deep concepts. Thank you.
Thank you for this comment! I find contributing to a more peaceful and connected world far more energizing and hopefu. I've come to believe that by changing our inner world, changing our experience, we make an equal or greater impact than pushing against, fighting against, and feeding the energy that widens the divide. I think we're on the same page here. ;)
Thank you. I learned something.
Thank you for taking the time to let me know this. <3
Stoicmom I am so impressed with your soul adventures and listening to that inner voice that drives them. This article came just as I got some news which threatened to unmoor me. A good reminder to return to myself and the connection with my daughter.
Thank you so much for taking time to leave this comment! I love, love knowing that something here at the SMP helped you to stay grounded and connected. Hang in there, Mama!
Thank you for this🙏♥️ so much of what you write is salve like for me just when I need it!
🙏❤