Thanks so much for this! I am trying! I find myself spiraling when I dive in too deep- and I feel a huge difference in myself physically, mentally, & emotionally if I take a break- wonderful advice. I so appreciate your take on things and admire your approach to this incredibly complex and difficult situation! ❤️
Thank you for being here and for taking the time to share this comment! I'd encourage you to keep giving yourself the gift of stillness. I think it can only benefit everyone involved. ;) As complex and difficult as this is, our kids are just being kids, doing the best they can to get through what has become an incredibly strange and difficult adolescence. I think if we can hold peaceful, loving space for them to do their very normal identity exploration, we increase our chances of coming out the other side with the least possible damage to bodies and families.
Thanks for this StoicMom. I heard an interesting stat a few years ago that speaks to our physical environment and stillness in a quirky way. There are professional sound engineers who gather calming nature sounds for film, TV, audio productions. Their jobs are getting harder in that it is increasingly taking more hours to gather such sounds with the constant interruptions on the world. By this time I bet they have just gone to some sort of digital production of "nature" sounds.
Thanks for taking time to share! Kind of sad though, eh? I feel really lucky that I can escape the sounds of my city by hiking a bit into the foothills behind me. I hope it lasts a bit longer!
You have such a difficult role in all this Julia! It’s weird to compare the work we’re doing to save our families to the work you’re doing to save your profession. I think I engage with the world in such a different way, it’s hard for me to imagine. The closest I can come is to think about my relationship with education. And I bailed (and took my family with me) when I realized how broken that system was (though not after some attempts to make change from within.)
I’ve decided my role in this is to provide a model for my children for how to be in the world in a peaceful, resilient, compassionate way. And along the way, maybe I can help other families do something similar. Then maybe these families will be less vulnerable to the messages of experts telling them they need to medicate their children’s healthy bodies.
It's hard to express how much I admire your courage and your tireless efforts to clean up the mess that pediatrics has become! You remind me that I need to make my annual contribution to SEGM. Please let us know if there’s more we can do to support you. If it weren’t for doctors like you, I’d have lost all faith in the medical profession.
I hope you at least get to give yourself some stillness over the holidays! I'd really hate to see you burn out. ❤❤❤
Thanks, and especially thanks for contributing to SEGM. We have a project in the works (free CME for doctors with actual accurate information about pediatric medical transition) that could reach a large number of busy overwhelmed pediatricians (we all need a certain number of CME hours per year and I'm not alone in looking for free options!) if we make it happen. We are close to what we need (I think the total is over $100,000) but we are not there yet, so any and all contributions are very welcome. SEGM is a registered nonprofit, so think of us in your end of year charitable donations, everyone!
When I started college, I had a friend to whom I confessed my truth. It was that, up through high school, I hardly had any friends and my social life was, to be blunt, pathetic. While my friend had previously criticized someone we both knew as being a "freak of nature" because they had no social life - which made me tell her as part of the confession that I was a "freak of nature," - her response to my confession was not what I expected. I thought she would be sympathetic, but ultimately just sad for me. I even half-expected her to politely decline to spend further time with such a freak of nature. Instead, my friend told me that she was kind of envious of me. Why, you ask? Because, she said, you know yourself. You had time to think about things, to observe, because you weren't doing so much. She was insightful enough to realize that she didn't really know herself and hadn't really thought about anything philosophically because she never spent time alone. All of this was meant to say - yeah, sometimes not doing things can lead to inner peace and a bit of wisdom. Apparently, my pathetic social life early on at least led to me being kind of self-aware, and that was worth something. So yeah, I totally agree with everything you said!
It's always amazes me just how important perspective is. What a gift your friend gave you that day! If she'd pitied you as you expected her to, and you'd hung on to that story about yourself being a "freak of nature" who knows what a different trajectory your life might have taken? Your story also makes me think how important it is to be mindful in the stillness so we don't wander into rumination. Self-awareness can be a double-edged sword! I love that you came away from this experience recognizing that self-awareness as valuable.
We disconnected the cable a few years back. Not having the news on constantly has been wonderful. Our son told us of his trans identity last spring. I spent most of the summer immersing myself with this ideology. I previously knew very little. It was making me depressed and anxious all the time. The past couple of months I’ve stepped away a bit. Our son n has only told immediate family and online friends. I’m hopeful it’s a phase, but have come to realize I can only do so much. It has give me a little bit of peace. I knit. :)
It's such a mindbender to think about how access to information has both created this nightmare and offered solace to families seeking support. As you've lifted up here, too much research leads to anxiety, and from what I can tell (it happened in my house) often causes parents to escalate the situation and make things worse. I think the more peaceful vibes we can spread throughout our homes, the more confidence we convey to our kids. If they know we're not worried about them, they can go about their business of identity exploration which is part of growing up. I also know this is much easier said than done when we're dealing with such a potentially dangerous identity. So glad you've discovered what a different experience it can be when you move through the fear to acceptance of your kid's journey. Keep knitting!!
Have you read The Master and His Emissary by Iain Mcgilchrist? Its about right and left brain thinking throughout Western history and makes a case for our mediated digital angry world as being especially left brain.
That's the connectedness I'm talking about!! I believe we all have this inner wisdom (or God or as my mom might say, "the still small voice" but most of us have been encouraged to ignore or mistrust it. I kinda love how this experience is guiding so many of us back to it. I appreciate you and all you contribute to the comment section of The StoicMom Project!
Thanks so much for this! I am trying! I find myself spiraling when I dive in too deep- and I feel a huge difference in myself physically, mentally, & emotionally if I take a break- wonderful advice. I so appreciate your take on things and admire your approach to this incredibly complex and difficult situation! ❤️
Thank you for being here and for taking the time to share this comment! I'd encourage you to keep giving yourself the gift of stillness. I think it can only benefit everyone involved. ;) As complex and difficult as this is, our kids are just being kids, doing the best they can to get through what has become an incredibly strange and difficult adolescence. I think if we can hold peaceful, loving space for them to do their very normal identity exploration, we increase our chances of coming out the other side with the least possible damage to bodies and families.
Yoga class
For sure! And baths... ;)
Thanks for this StoicMom. I heard an interesting stat a few years ago that speaks to our physical environment and stillness in a quirky way. There are professional sound engineers who gather calming nature sounds for film, TV, audio productions. Their jobs are getting harder in that it is increasingly taking more hours to gather such sounds with the constant interruptions on the world. By this time I bet they have just gone to some sort of digital production of "nature" sounds.
Thanks for taking time to share! Kind of sad though, eh? I feel really lucky that I can escape the sounds of my city by hiking a bit into the foothills behind me. I hope it lasts a bit longer!
Whoo boy, I wish I could grab some more stillness.
Pediatrics is a mess right now. SEGM and gender stuff is a second job, an unpaid job, but it feels very important, I can't walk away from it.
You have such a difficult role in all this Julia! It’s weird to compare the work we’re doing to save our families to the work you’re doing to save your profession. I think I engage with the world in such a different way, it’s hard for me to imagine. The closest I can come is to think about my relationship with education. And I bailed (and took my family with me) when I realized how broken that system was (though not after some attempts to make change from within.)
I’ve decided my role in this is to provide a model for my children for how to be in the world in a peaceful, resilient, compassionate way. And along the way, maybe I can help other families do something similar. Then maybe these families will be less vulnerable to the messages of experts telling them they need to medicate their children’s healthy bodies.
It's hard to express how much I admire your courage and your tireless efforts to clean up the mess that pediatrics has become! You remind me that I need to make my annual contribution to SEGM. Please let us know if there’s more we can do to support you. If it weren’t for doctors like you, I’d have lost all faith in the medical profession.
I hope you at least get to give yourself some stillness over the holidays! I'd really hate to see you burn out. ❤❤❤
Thanks, and especially thanks for contributing to SEGM. We have a project in the works (free CME for doctors with actual accurate information about pediatric medical transition) that could reach a large number of busy overwhelmed pediatricians (we all need a certain number of CME hours per year and I'm not alone in looking for free options!) if we make it happen. We are close to what we need (I think the total is over $100,000) but we are not there yet, so any and all contributions are very welcome. SEGM is a registered nonprofit, so think of us in your end of year charitable donations, everyone!
Julia, what's the best way to donate to this project? Do we use the gofundme page on the SEGM website?
When I started college, I had a friend to whom I confessed my truth. It was that, up through high school, I hardly had any friends and my social life was, to be blunt, pathetic. While my friend had previously criticized someone we both knew as being a "freak of nature" because they had no social life - which made me tell her as part of the confession that I was a "freak of nature," - her response to my confession was not what I expected. I thought she would be sympathetic, but ultimately just sad for me. I even half-expected her to politely decline to spend further time with such a freak of nature. Instead, my friend told me that she was kind of envious of me. Why, you ask? Because, she said, you know yourself. You had time to think about things, to observe, because you weren't doing so much. She was insightful enough to realize that she didn't really know herself and hadn't really thought about anything philosophically because she never spent time alone. All of this was meant to say - yeah, sometimes not doing things can lead to inner peace and a bit of wisdom. Apparently, my pathetic social life early on at least led to me being kind of self-aware, and that was worth something. So yeah, I totally agree with everything you said!
It's always amazes me just how important perspective is. What a gift your friend gave you that day! If she'd pitied you as you expected her to, and you'd hung on to that story about yourself being a "freak of nature" who knows what a different trajectory your life might have taken? Your story also makes me think how important it is to be mindful in the stillness so we don't wander into rumination. Self-awareness can be a double-edged sword! I love that you came away from this experience recognizing that self-awareness as valuable.
We disconnected the cable a few years back. Not having the news on constantly has been wonderful. Our son told us of his trans identity last spring. I spent most of the summer immersing myself with this ideology. I previously knew very little. It was making me depressed and anxious all the time. The past couple of months I’ve stepped away a bit. Our son n has only told immediate family and online friends. I’m hopeful it’s a phase, but have come to realize I can only do so much. It has give me a little bit of peace. I knit. :)
It's such a mindbender to think about how access to information has both created this nightmare and offered solace to families seeking support. As you've lifted up here, too much research leads to anxiety, and from what I can tell (it happened in my house) often causes parents to escalate the situation and make things worse. I think the more peaceful vibes we can spread throughout our homes, the more confidence we convey to our kids. If they know we're not worried about them, they can go about their business of identity exploration which is part of growing up. I also know this is much easier said than done when we're dealing with such a potentially dangerous identity. So glad you've discovered what a different experience it can be when you move through the fear to acceptance of your kid's journey. Keep knitting!!
Have you read The Master and His Emissary by Iain Mcgilchrist? Its about right and left brain thinking throughout Western history and makes a case for our mediated digital angry world as being especially left brain.
I haven't read it, but this rings a bell, and I'm certain I've heard others talk about this book. I'll have to check it out. Thanks for the comment!
That's the connectedness I'm talking about!! I believe we all have this inner wisdom (or God or as my mom might say, "the still small voice" but most of us have been encouraged to ignore or mistrust it. I kinda love how this experience is guiding so many of us back to it. I appreciate you and all you contribute to the comment section of The StoicMom Project!