The Fire Forging Us
So weird that this was just published at the end of last year. You can hear the deep hurt and (justified) anger still driving my thoughts, yet you can also see my effort to try to shift it. Hopefully you recognize me practicing the reframe that has become quite wired in now and has given me more solid ground to operate from. Can you tell how hard I’m working at the time to trust my daughter and let go of trying to control her outcomes? I’m vascillating between the guilt of not protecting her and clinging to faith that she’s got this and will be okay—even if things worsen before she sees the light.
It was really interesting to reread this and see actual examples of the “work” I describe on my Substack. To recognize how hard I was efforting yet how much rage and pain and blame were still at the forefront; I’d been concentrating so hard to re-establish my practices, to let go of my shit, and I don’t think I realized I was right on the verge. Over the next weeks, I’d breakthrough to realize so much more self-compassion and clarity, able to recognize my intuition again, restored faith in my family—so much more peace. Of course, we never stop learning and growing but I’m on the other side of that disintegration. It feels so different here, and it’s reflected by the peace in my heart and my home. Do we still have conflict? Bad moods? Tempers? Um, there are still two teenagers in this house, so, yes. That said, it no longer feels broken over here.
If you read through the comments, you can tell that even between writing it and publication, the breakthrough was happening. Some were sympathizing with my angry position, and I was trying to say, “But wait—no, don’t focus on that point! Faith and trust! Self-compassion! We got this!” You know my message by now…and the fire keeps burning. Ready to rise out of it?