Pulsing toward Growth
I know it’s been a little quiet at the SMP lately. It’s for a couple of reasons. One is I’ve gone into intense input mode. My imagination and drive to learn have been captured by a new framework that speaks to so much of what I talk about here at the StoicMom Project. It’s affirming my optimistic view of human nature and that idea that working on the inner landscape and operating out of curiosity and compassion is the way to a better world. If we can embody the change we wish to see, we participate in a new emerging culture that is more connected and compassionate. (I can’t tell you how many times and from how many different sources this awareness has crossed my consciousness in the last few years since I decided to shift my focus to my own growth and healing.) It’s recognizing that this evolution is happening that keeps me optimistic about humanity and where we could be headed.
Sometimes I think, but what if I’m (we’re) wrong? What if all these people who are developing a reverence for life, practicing mindfulness, healing our hearts so they can be open to the full, rich human experience are doomed to crash and burn along with those driving us toward that dystopian, transhuman nightmare of a future that sometimes seems inevitable? To that thought, I say, I still choose this.
I mean, really, should I give up now? There’s a beautiful promise in this work that I find irresistible. That the healing that I’m choosing uncovers a way of being that is calm, clear, curious, compassionate, creative, connected, confident, and courageous. Close your eyes a minute and imagine what that must be like… How does life feel when we’re operating out of these innate human qualities, that yes, according to this evidence-based therapeutic framework, we all have within us?
And how different does the world look if more of us do this inner work? For many, it’s happening right now. You may not see it if your attention is on all the divisive messaging that keeps us locked into fear for our futures and those of our children. I’ve chosen to change the channel here and pay attention to this potential that more and more humans seem to be striving toward. It feels a helluva lot better, and what have I got to lose? For me this feels way more productive, and is definitely more fun and engaging! And if I can inspire others to choose this way, I think I’m doing my part to shift our course toward this other more enlightened future. That feels pretty damn good to me; yeah, I’ll take that.
So, right now I’m immersed in learning more about how we “evolve” toward a culture of connection and cooperation, where we invite the best qualities of human nature to lead us into a brighter future. As you can imagine it’s rather compelling and yet very little of it is new to me; finally though, it seems to be emanating from one-ish place (with lots of sources to support the ideas) and that’s exciting! It means I’m far from alone in this understanding, and that in fact, there’s this whole other parallel worldview that is as reassuring and optimistic as the dystopian vision is scary and depressing. I know which world I want to live in, and I moved into it awhile back. Yes, I’m saying you too can choose it right now. Though it may take a little while and some practice to convince your brain it’s an option.
In this coursework I’m engaged in, the teacher used a lovely phrase to confirm the idea that humans are natural learners. She incorporated concepts of evolution to explain how we’re all “pulsing toward growth.” She was referencing Gordon Neufeld’s analogy of a child as a plant and how important the quality of the soil is to ensure the plant’s needs are met. And like plants, we’re always seeking the sun–which never stops shining even when blocked by clouds. When given the right conditions, just like plants, we’ll thrive and keep growing through the lifespan.
In fact, so much of what I’m learning is rooted in Attachment Theory and the knowledge we now have about the importance of high quality connections. It’s necessary to our thriving to have a deep, trusting sense that our fellow humans care about our needs and we can depend on each other (and ourselves.) It’s why we literally evolved for healthy relationship; the structure and processes baked into our neural anatomy expect certain conditions to be met in early childhood so that we can experience this sense of support. Unfortunately, we’ve gone a bit off course by allowing our left-brain tendencies to usurp the wisdom that comes from the more wholistic processing that our right-brain offers.
Yet, it seems like, and maybe just in the nick of time, we’re recognizing that we need a course correction. It’s going to take more of us doing this inner work. And here’s the beauty that inspires such awe and wonder in me: we’re so wired for relationship and being in community that when we do this work and join with others who are focused on the same, we create a collective consciousness that is now more than the sum of its parts. This is where the magic happens because creativity is actually multiplied when humans join in this way, and when that creativity is rooted in compassion and clarity, then I believe there’s much cause for hope and optimism.
I may not be making any sense to you right now. It’s quite possible you haven’t felt the sun in a long time. Yet even though you’ve not (maybe ever) experienced optimal conditions, when you feel the warmth and energy that comes from the sun’s rays, your nature will recognize this as life-giving and you may very well find yourself “pulsing toward growth” and drawn to those conditions, instinctively turning your face toward the sunshine.
And this brings me to the other reason it’s been so quiet here the past couple weeks. While a good part of my energy is being consumed by this learning experience that has me so excited and that I think is really going to benefit my clients (and their families and beyond); another hefty portion of my energy is merging with that of the pilot members of the new the SMP Community Center that’s now housed on Mighty Networks. (Check out the tab in the menu!) I’m delighting in how quickly those relationships develop when everyone is focused on growth and learning and am enjoying this community that is indeed so clearly more than the sum of it’s parts! I feel called to be in there with those mamas who are drawn to the conditions that invite them to tap into their innate curiosity and compassion.
This is a place where hope and optimism can be accessed whenever you need a dose. Though don’t expect toxic positivity. Sadness and disappointment are part of the human experience and to be expected when dealing with something so destabilizing. That said, the focus is on supporting each other through the healing process and discovering ways to be in healthier relationship with ourselves and our loved ones.
Because this is a community, what’s developing is being co-created. The vision is for this community to be agile and responsive to its members’ needs. It’s in its infant stages, but I’m so impressed already with the level of engagement and the quality of support members are offering each other within it’s digital “walls.” If you’re interested in participating in the vision and find yourself wanting to discover what it’s like to be in a community that is growth- and healing-oriented, I invite you to explore becoming a member. This is a vetted community, and you’ll find the application for membership here on the community’s landing page (be sure to scroll down below the image.) Once your application is approved, you’ll be sent the link to join.
I polled my readership and the results of those that completed the poll were in favor of making this a paid community to ensure the privacy, quality, and investment of the group. I plan to pack that membership with value and you can learn more about what’s included when you visit the landing page. There are monthly ($24) and annual ($255) membership plans and those who purchase an annual membership will receive a complimentary subscription to a full year of paid content here on the StoicMom Project substack ($95 value.)
Even if it seems I’m talking in riddles, if you can feel that this might be different than what you’ve been experiencing and you feel drawn to the tone of what I’m saying, maybe what’s happening is you too are “pulsing toward growth”. I hope that even if you don’t join this community, you find the hope and optimism that has profoundly changed my own experience and that is currently being discovered by those who are actively engaged in the SMP online community!