Playing a Different Game

Sep 04, 2025

The Curriculum of the Soul

Quest Orientation

The Obstacle is the Way

A Divinely Guided Path

I recently heard, “Life School” to describe this orientation that I’m always rattling on about here on the SMP, and I’m sure there are countless other catchy titles to capture this approach to living. I truly cannot recommend this way strongly enough. And I’m certainly not the only one encouraging you to give it a shot.

Truly–I did not create anything here. This isn’t my brain child, and I take zero credit for its design. This is ancient wisdom, an arc embedded in each of us, and is encouraged by most religious traditions (though often misinterpreted and misapplied, imho.) I would acknowledge “discovering” it–at least for myself–which I think we’re all tasked to do.

But what does it mean exactly? Well, it means accepting full responsibility for your feelings, thoughts, stories, choices, etc. and developing an understanding that your experience of life is more a reflection of your inner state and what you feed your attention than of reality.

We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are. -Anais Nin

Does this mean that terrible, tragic things aren’t happening in appalling numbers around the world at any given moment? No. Terrible, tragic things are happening and this has been a pretty consistent state of human affairs for all of recorded history.

Does this way of doing life mean that one ought not do anything about these terrible, tragic things? No, it most definitely does not mean this. We’ll all be called on to serve Life in some way and create more beauty in the world. But our own state and how we go about change will determine both our effectiveness at making an enduring impact and our sense of wellbeing.

So what’s different about this orientation that creates such a more rewarding, less depressing, more loving, less divisive, more satisfying, less monotonous, more energizing, less depleting, more meaningful, less hopeless way of doing this life business?

It all comes down to our relationship with the pain and uncertainty life throws our way. Do we avoid that which scares us, always moving away from discomfort and attempting to control Life’s variables so we don’t encounter difficult things? Do we give away our power and agency through the mechanism of blame?

That’s most people by the way and is not only human nature but is reinforced relentlessly in today’s world. So, this other way I’m getting at will require that you be open to something very new, very different, initially threatening, and that will require considerable effort to implement for yourself. You’ll need to face your fears and be ready to encounter much external and internal resistance. It helps to have (but you can develop) a tolerance for being “the weird one” or “one of those people.”

So why the hell would you bother?

A few of the benefits of this orientation:

In this way, it’s not only okay, but ultimately more healthy for you to focus on what’s beautiful about life and allow any joy that comes your way to be fully felt–no matter the mistakes you’ve made or any perceived failures on your part. No self-flagellation required and is in fact recognized as detrimental.
The hard things in life will actually provide you the syllabus for your coursework. Discomfort is still the road map, but instead of always avoiding or moving away from it, you practice turning toward uncomfortable feelings and let them teach you about you and where you can keep growing.
You no longer need to change anyone else. Everyone has their own curriculum, and it’s up to each person to discover this orientation and do their own work. Even our children. By doing our own work, we naturally become the best guide we can possibly be for them.
You’ll get super clear on your own values and know that you can’t force others to share them. You’ll discover your strengths that are likely to align well with what you sense is your purpose here. You’ll tune into your core and it will provide the compass needed to navigate the rest of your life in a very alive way.
You no longer need to feel burdened with all the world’s problems; instead you get to focus in on where you can make the most impact in a way that calls on your gifts. You’ll experience the satisfaction, meaning, and sense of purpose that comes when you feel effective.
You’ll know—in an embodied way—that you’re engaged in a life well-lived. Even when things feel really hard, or messy, or downright painful, you’re in integrity and feel supported to ride Life’s waves. Life rarely feels like a slog, and when it does, you know there’s information even in that for you.

The FAQs

Will I still feel discouraged sometimes? It’s very likely, yes. There are a lucky few who feel quickly connected to a guidance system through strong intuition or more metaphysical means, but strengthening your sense of connection so you can tune into guidance is part of the curriculum. The beauty here is that less is more. Less noise, less activity, less distraction. You don’t do more to achieve this attunement, but rather, you develop your capacity to “change the channel” to something quieter, so you recognize its presence in your life.

Will I still make mistakes? Oh, most definitely. But instead of the self-judgment and shame these thrust most of us into for most of our lives, mistakes provide important information and offer opportunities to course-correct. An attitude of experimentation is pretty important in this other way. Nothing is as urgent or as high stakes as it was in the previous orientation where you were under the impression there was “a right way” and if you got it wrong, it felt like the end of the world. Redemption is always possible on this path.

Will I still feel pain? I’m afraid so. Fear too. Heartache. Grief. Anger. Boredom. Disappointment. Jealousy. All the things. But now, they visit you with lessons. These emotions are your teachers, and they have only your best interest in mind. Instead of pushing them away, you’ll learn to engage them with curiosity and love so they offer up important information about what’s in your heart. They’ll lead you to the treasure that was locked away inside you long ago.

Can I do this too? Are you human? If the answer to the second question is “yes”, then it’s also the answer to the first one.

Will it be hard? Well, it’s a practice. Like with anything, the more you practice, the better you get at it. But you’re also learning a whole new way of being, so persistence and a beginner’s mind are both really helpful. Expect some rough patches. Old attitudes might need to go, and they’ll resist. The good news is that they will offer you lots to work with!!

Will I ever arrive somewhere that it’s easy all the time? Nope. You may think you want this, but do you? If this were possible, then the really yummy, exciting, joyful parts wouldn’t offer us nearly the same level of pleasure. The immense satisfaction that comes from accomplishing something that challenged you would disappear as well. Boredom is meant to inspire creativity. Creativity involves risk which is inherently uncomfortable. Facing discomfort might be the main component of a meaningful life.

A few final thoughts:

Most of us will resist the inner change this other way asks of us. I think the most intimidating, scariest, threatening part of this is the personal responsibility. It’s terrifying to no longer get to blame things outside yourself for the quality of your life–until you start to experience the benefits, it will take faith and determination and frankly, self-worth to keep at it.

Once you get a taste of it, funny things can happen. It’s likely to feel too good to be true. You’ll question whether it’s okay. You may feel like an alien in this divided world, questioning what makes you any different than the suffering masses. Why do you deserve to feel any better than anyone else? (Letting go of this “deserving” paradigm is part of the work.) Resistance will often increase. (That deeply human fear of the rug being pulled out from under you might creep in and haunt you for awhile.)

You’ll most certainly be tested, but if you keep at it, these types of experiences will become opportunities to practice your newfound freedom and agency. You’ll get better at distinguishing “who’s at the wheel”—your new powerful self, or the old stories and fear that keep you “in your place”.

Slowly, this orientation takes hold, and you feel more clear, stable, free, more alive than ever. You look around and are able to see how so much suffering in the world is self-imposed.

It’s no small thing to understand and accept that you’re the one who must liberate yourself from your own mind prison. This realization is pretty painful in itself because it means the keys to your freedom were in your hands all along, so even this part will require some grief.

Please know that it’s normal to resist, to be afraid, to not trust this will work for you. But if not this, then what? If you’re in agony, I think that particular pain is here as an invitation to something different and more supportive of who you are as a human being. Life wants you to live, create, contribute in a meaningful way–fully, deeply, authentically.

Are you ready to play a different game?

If you read this and were like, “Yes, this!! I’ve come to this same understanding and I’m doing it!” I’d love to hear more in the comments. What led you to discovering this way? How’s it going so far?

If you read this and think you don’t deserve this type of life, at least not as long as your child(ren)’s experiences don’t look like you think they should, then I’d challenge that. Could it be that this is exactly what they need most from you? Might it be your most important task to show them what it means to truly live your precious life?

If you read this and it made you feel annoyed, skeptical, or angry, that makes sense. This way of seeing things can feel like it threatens the ground you’re standing on. This approach may never be for you, and that’s not wrong. But if someday you do find yourself looking for another way, I hope you’ll remember there’s more than one game available to play.