May '24 in the SMP
As you remember your light…
An SMP community member recently posted this poem along with this comment: "I...can relate to feeling like my child was going through one sadness after the next and feeling like I needed to fix it. I found a beautiful poem the other day, don’t know who to credit but this is what I’m trying to be”:
Are you relating to your child as a whole being with the capacity (and biological imperative) to develop and mature? If not, what might shift for you and that relationship if you were able to view your child through this lens?
This little poem also beautifully summarizes the role of a coach. I see in you wholeness, and my job is to remind you that you are not powerless in need of rescuing, and not broken in need of fixing. My job is to hold your hand in the darkness as you remember all that you are and rediscover your light.
May’s theme in the SMP:
“The Wilderness of Modern Parenting” Usually in the online community, our focus is on mom’s experience. With the new Attachment Matters series, Mother’s Day, and my conversation with mom and parent coach, Vashti Summervill who wrote the book, Letters from the Wilderness of Modern Parenting it seemed a good month to explore attachment and how to apply Neufeld’s ideas to parenting trans-identified children, both adolescent and adult.
What can we actually do to counter the cultural obstacles to being in right attachment with our children?
It will be interesting to discover what will emerge out of our live conversations that happen every 1st and 3rd Wednesdays, 2nd Sunday morning, and 3rd Thursday evening each month. Membership to this private, paid, vetted community is by invitation only. To apply, complete this form: https://bit.ly/SMPCenter
Speaking of Attachment Matters…
Rose and I have published five episodes already of this series of conversations about Dr. Gordon Neufeld’s attachment model of maturity. Yes, that’s the Hold on to Your Kids guy. Our latest episode is part one of a Q&A (SMP community members submit the questions for this part of the conversation.)
Our 2nd Q&A which will be Episode 6 of the series has been delayed. Rose and I are working to get that next conversation scheduled and on the publishing calendar! We intend to keep tackling the thoughtful and thought-provoking questions submitted until we’ve addressed every one of them.
Go to the podcast tab of stoicmom.substack.com to catch up on this conversation and learn how parenting is beautifully designed by nature to not only mature our children, but to finish growing ourselves up!
Mother’s Day
I hope that whatever your current situation is, where ever you are in “the Wilderness of Modern Parenting” that you found a way to celebrate yourself this past weekend! Who knew our children would be coming of age in the wildest of times with more obstacles to strong parental attachment than I imagine ever existed over the course of human history?! Pure conjecture here, but I’d be really surprised if there was a past generation that had less awareness of the importance of their parents or if there was ever a time when family was more devalued than it is today. If I’m off base here, I welcome your corrections in the comments!
That said, I want you to know that I see and honor you for the painfully difficult task of trying to “hold on to your kids” when it seems the world is determined to rip them away from us.
In last week’s article, Motherhood as Evolution, I let readers know that I’ve created a new mini-course that teaches about the personal psyche as Jung mapped it. It’s intended to help you better understand the ego, persona, and shadow; and includes a persona quiz and reflection exercises to give you a little taste of shadow work. I’m offering a coupon code to get it for free as my gift to you in honor of Mother’s Day. (Please only sign up once! The course “survey” should be delivered to you within 15 minutes of “registering” with your email address. If you close out of the form, you’ll need to sign into Paperbell with your email to access the course survey and the materials embedded in it.)
Use coupon code: MOTHERSDAY24 at check-out during the month of May, to receive the course as my gift to you. (I’m afraid that I can’t guarantee that I’ll remind you again…)
Here’s what one mom who completed this course over the weekend had to say about the experience (shared with permission,)
I just absolutely loved it! I actually gained huge insights of some things I have been currently wrestling with. Thank you for this wonderful offer and all the work you have put in place for us. Bless you StoicMom.
Okay, that one makes me blush a bit, but it certainly boosted my confidence to remind those who haven’t jumped in yet to get the course while it’s still free.
2024 is already flying by for me! I can’t believe it’s almost summer!! I hope you’re finding ways to keep steady while also allowing Life’s curve balls to expand your capacity and make you a better player.
I got out of the survey and couldn’t figure out how to provide feedback after that so I’m providing it here. The 20 questions were interesting. I admit that at least 5 had no answer that struck me as right or clear. Others could change from time to time or depending on how I think about them. Maybe 10 had hard answers that resonated with me - and answers that I knew did not.
On that basis, I’m not entirely sure the feedback I received was “personalized.” That all having been said, the questions were still thought-provoking. Also, the whole idea of the shadow - including not just negative feelings but also other repressed feelings relating to creativity (or I imagine even raw joy) - and needing to incorporate our whole selves to really appreciate life and make the most of it was an intriguing idea that will make me think a lot about how I am living my life - so not a waste of time!!
I too believe you are doing great work by reminding those who are aware of and horrified by what’s happening in society, and how young people are being duped into rejecting their healthy bodies and - funny enough - their entire shadow selves, that we have to stay on track in our own lives if we are to guide our children in a healthier direction (the whole put your own oxygen mask in first thing as well as modeling good behavior).
I definitely know there is a fight on our hands in terms of getting society back on track and out of ridiculous thinking, but you are concentrating on something just as important - staying grounded so we are there to help our kids navigate through all this and any other challenges that may (and will) come their way!
Awesome responsibility in raising a kid; my hat is off to those who bravely step up to the plate and take an honest swing at it.
Though I'm not sure about your "if there was a past generation that had less awareness of the importance of their parents or if there was ever a time when family was more devalued than it is today."
Reminds me of a famous tale at least attributed to Mark Twain -- which I had occasion to quote at my father's "Celebration of Life" -- gawd rest his soul:
“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/78468-when-i-was-a-boy-of-14-my-father-was
Guess it was ever thus ... 😉🙂