Welcome to The StoicMom Project

I’m just a normal mom of two fascinating humans (as I believe all humans are! Which means they’re also just normal kids.) The oldest of my two normal children is rather clever (both are but in very different ways.) She loves to think deeply and talk about abstract ideas. She claims to be a Leftist and is curious about anarcho-communism. She’s got a really big heart and she thinks this is the way to ensure everyone is cared for. We certainly don’t agree on everything, but I see her working hard to make sense of the world in a compassionate way, and I’m so impressed by this (and hope I can take some credit for it.) She also happens to be trans-identified. While I don’t believe she (or anybody) was born in the wrong body, I believe her claim of being transgender is actually a very logical adaptation to the current cultural moment. 

At this point, I have embraced this destabilizing, sometimes excruciating, sometimes wondrous experience of having a trans-IDed child as “curriculum of the soul.” Because I can’t help but imagine how different the world might be if we could all take the hardest thing in our lives and view it as this, as curriculum of the soul.  

My daughter brought me the least expected thing. It tested me like no other. I thought I knew how to experience hard things, so she brought me something harder–like, I’m not so sure I can survive this, harder. I thought I had a solid relationship with my children, so she tested that relationship. I blew it often, falling on my face. But I managed to keep getting back up to learn more. To fail again and again, and to learn from that failure. My daughter has been my greatest teacher in this curriculum of the soul. She issued the call for me to become a better human, then she directed me to the path. It seemed like such a dark, ugly, scary path that I tried to refuse the call. But at some point, I broke down, recognizing the only way was through. That dark, ugly, scary path was to be my path whether I liked it or not. 

While on that path, she offered me the opportunity to learn where I end and she begins. To separate my work from hers. It was excruciatingly painful work and sometimes I didn’t believe it could be done. That this couldn’t possibly be the thing I needed to do to find my way to the light at the end of the path. I’ve always been good at finding shortcuts, using my own cleverness to avoid excess work, but this time there were none. I wasn’t just jumping through hoops that could be gamed like in the past. This time, there was just the dark, ugly, scary path beginning with me and my daughter as one thing and ending with me and my daughter as separate.

Don’t get me wrong, we’re still connected. My mom likes to talk about the invisible string that connects her to each of her children. But I recognize my daughter has her own curriculum of the soul to complete. My mom is now always in my head and I’m so grateful for that influence; she gives me courage and confidence. I hope when my daughter hears my voice in her head, it whispers, you got this. I believe in you. You’re just right. You always were. 

From one of my all time favorite novels, Circe (a powerful book about womanhood and mothering and witches set in Greek mythology): 

Perhaps no parent can truly see their child. When we look we see only the mirror of our own faults.

No one told me so much of this individuation work would be mine. The work isn’t over of course, but it would seem I’ve reached the end of that dark, ugly, scary path and made it into the light. (Is the light always this hard to reach? I think it might be.) It feels very different over here and I have fallen in love with the richness of Life (and it’s kind of hard to talk about.) I’ve started inviting other moms to join me in this work, in this curriculum of the soul. If you’re ready and are interested in discovering what it might be like to become a StoicMama, I invite you to apply to our online community; a community where growth-oriented, non-affirming moms meet virtually and support each other to use this most difficult circumstance as inspiration for growth and healing. If you’d prefer to work one on one with me, you can request a complimentary discovery session by completing this form:

https://bit.ly/StoicMomDiscovery

I have this crazy theory. That maybe Circe was off a little. That maybe once we separate our work from theirs, we might get to truly see our children. Wouldn’t that be amazing?! And well worth the journey on that dark, ugly, scary path…